


A Soldier's Ballad

by ReddStiches



Series: The Path [1]
Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Eventual romance (Joel is a distrusting dick), Eventual smut., F/M, Mostly cannon story, Multi, Tried to keep it realistic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-18
Updated: 2016-06-28
Packaged: 2018-02-26 03:49:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 22
Words: 40,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2636894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReddStiches/pseuds/ReddStiches
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Esther struggled a long time to justify her survival. A failed military captain, a failed smuggler, she lost her entire team in Pittsburgh. Just when she thought she was going to die she teamed up with an interesting duo trying to get out of the hellhole she was trying so hard to forget.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Fighting Chance

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own anything in the Last of Us. That's Naughty Dog's and Neil Druckman's property. I only own Esther and am proud to be inspired by such an amazing story.  
> I also suck at grammar, so any comments about editing are welcomed.  
> I am writing on a mobile platform. So nothing fancy.

Summer

A man? Esther peered through the scope of hunting rifle. She cased the area around him to find a lanky teenage girl. He couldn't have been a hunter, maybe a smuggler? No, no smuggler in their right mind would come this close to the Pitt. She ground her teeth. Who was he? Why was he here? Most importantly; could he help her?

She loaded her backpack keeping an eye on the two people ground level. She felt the heat of the day pound into her back. She wiped her brow and scowled. It was going to be a long day. She strapped her rifle to her and placed her forty-four and her forty-five in her waist and thigh holster, gave one quick glance at the people below and left her sniper's nest. She followed them to a large hotel and crouched behind a police car in the alleyway. She peered through the bushes to watch.

The man started scouring the area for supplies while the girl wandered towards the back wall.

"That girl is so skinny. I thought you had plenty of food in your time." The girl's voice was close.

"We did, just some chose not to eat it." The man replied in a southern drawl.

"Why the hell not?" The girl asked.

"For looks." He started to walk away.

"Pssh, that's stupid." The girl followed then paused. It seemed that they had run into a dead end.

"Time to lighten the mood," the girl said then cleared her voice. "3.14 percent of sailors are pi rates."

"3.14" the man mumbled.

"I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me." The girl went on.

"I get it."

"What did the mermaid wear to her math class?"

"What?"

"An algae bra."

"Terrible."

"Why did the scarecrow get a promotion?"

"Why?"

"He was outstanding in his field."

"That's it. Put that thing away." The man ended the triad.

Esther then heard the man walk towards the water. She shifted to the yellow cab to get a better look.

"I can't make that jump," he sighed.

"If you get me up there. I can move that plank," the girl offered.

Esther peeked over the car to see the man searching for a way to get by. His eyes glanced in her direction and she shot down into a crouch. She inwardly sighed when she heard no footsteps coming in her direction. With all her military training she had no idea how to approach these two without getting shot. She could hold her hands up, but that would mean she would be vulnerable. The man may have not been a hunter, but he could have just killed her a taken her things. Esther peeked over the car once more to find the man missing from the girl's side. Where was he? She started to back away when she felt an arm wrap around her neck and squeezed. She fought and struggled against his weight until finally she sank her teeth into his forearm. He pulled back then went to punch her in the face. She blocked, parried, and caught him in the jaw. He fell back breathing hard.

Before Esther could state her business she felt a glass bottle smash against the side of her head. She fell backwards into the water and clutched the left side of her face. She felt blood seeping through her fingers. Dammit, this was the end. She held her right arm out in front of her face hoping he would take it as a sign of surrender.

"Wait!" The man shouted.

The girl still stepped forward

"I said wait goddamn it." The man caught the girl by her shoulder.

"Nice to meet you too," Esther huffed sarcastically. She stood still holding the wound on her face.

"Why were you following us?" The man interrogated.

"To see if you were hunters or not." Esther replied.

"Why?" The man drew a pistol from his back pocket.

"Hunters took out my unit. I needed help getting out of the city. I thought since you seemed capable and with a kid, you would be willing to help." Esther explained.

"Why would anybody help the military?" He moved his finger to the trigger.

"Military? It's been years since I have been military. Smugglers asshole. My unit was a team of smugglers. We were smuggling medical supplies to Boston when we were jumped." Esther retorted. "Get me out of the Pitt, then we can part ways and you'll never hear from me again."

The man lowered his gun. "Make a move to betray us and I will kill you."

"Understood." Esther took out fabric from her pack and doused it in alcohol and started to clean the cuts on her cheeks and jaw. She took out her mirror to inspect the damage. None of them were deep. Thank god for small miracles, she thought. She stared at her reflection. What was she doing? Her pale green eyes were tired, her short red hair tousled. The charcoal around her eyes she used to snipe had smudged leaving bruises underneath them. Her lips cracked from the hot sun from the Pitt, now blood smeared down the left side if her face. She was in no shape to fight her way to the bridge.

She noted her new companions. The girl was about fourteen years of age, wearing a red tee shirt and jeans. Her auburn hair was loosely tied in a pony tail. Her green eyes were too young for the types of things she had probably seen. She was too young, much like Esther had been when the world died.

The man on the other hand was too old; at least in his forties if not late forties. His hair speckled with grey, his beard slightly unkempt: he looked ragged. Most of all his light hazel eyes reflected a weariness only seen on those who witnessed every horror this world had to offer. He was as tired of everything as she was.

"You done?" The man asked, looking impatient.

"Yeah," Esther stood and straightened her clothes. The grey short sleeved flannel hung unbuttoned, showing the black tank top underneath. Her navy cargo pants had definitely seen better days and her combat boots were on their last lap. When she got were ever she was going she was going have to replace some of her gear. She slung the pack onto her back. She glanced over her shoulder to see the girl eyeing her.

"What's your name?" Esther inquired.

"Fuck off." The girl huffed and made her way to the roof of a sunken van.

Esther shrugged and headed for the apartment door with the red x on it. She turned the knob, but it was locked. She took out her survival knife and jimmied the lock. The door creaked open to reveal an empty run down living room. Esther entered and noticed a note laying on a chair. She read it. A mother seeking revenge? Trust me, it never works that way, she thought. She rummaged through the rest of the rooms and found ammunition and some arrows. She noticed the man had a bow. He could make use of them. She exited the building to heavy gunfire coming from the bridge. She looked up and saw a heavy Hummer shoot down a few Tourists.

"Damn they're close," Esther muttered under her breath


	2. Bad Room Service

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Esther's trek throught the Hotel Grande. A little backstory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, the first few chapters will be one after another.   
> Once again Naughty Dog and Neil Druckman own The Last of Us and all it's glorious characters.

Esther rejoined the girl and spotted the man swimming towards them with a wood pallet. What an ingenious idea. Esther passed the man and swam for the cafe. She cut through the truck swam towards the stairs. She climbed them and searched for supplies. She found an old rag and a few nails. Not enough for anything really. She grabbed them anyway. She paused and found a note about a stash. A red x huh. Already found it, she smiled inwardly. She looked out the window towards the Hotel Grande.

It was kind of beautiful. Nature always had a way to take back the things that were hers. Her thoughts were cut off by the girl speaking.

"Oh this place stinks," the girl commented.

"Yeah, wood'a all rotten," Esther heard the man's voice downstairs.

"Did you go to coffee shops a lot?" The girl prodded.

"I did. All the time," the man replied.

"And what would you get?"

"Just . . . Just coffee."

The light exchange ended and Esther hopped over the window sill and landed on the bus with a thump. She pulled her arms over her head, stretched and waited for the other two to join. She crossed the plank and felt a hand on her shoulder.

"I noticed the arrows sticking out of your backpack. Do you have a bow to go with them?" The man nodded towards her pack.

"No, just thought they would be useful." Esther went to hand them to him.

"No, better two than one." The man handed her a bow.

She tested it. It felt like a forty to forty-five pound draw. It would work. She slung it across her shoulder and hopped down into the giant lobby. She heard him behind her.

"It's clear Ellie, come on down." He shouted.

So the girl's name was Ellie. What was left to do was find out South's name; not that she would be traveling long with them. It would just be nice to know.

"Whoah, this is fancy. Ever stay in a place like this? Before it all went to shit, I mean." Ellie asked.

"No . . . No, this is too rich for my blood." South started to wander.

"Oh I bet it was nice." Ellie shrugged. "I bet we can get up there." Ellie pointed to a foyer by the elevators.

"No, it's too high, let's see what we can find," South commented.

Esther walked to the left to find a concierge desk. Esther stayed in a place like that when she was thirteen. Her and her older sister explored the hallways and pulled pranks on the bell boy. Their parents grounded them for acting out on a business trip. It had been awhile since she thought of her sister. Raw emotion bubbled in her throat. "I'm so sorry," she mumbled.

"Oh, I'll be checking for one night and I would like your finest suite please." Ellie's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"The hell you doing?" South's voice rang beside her.

"Oh, why yes you can take my luggage upstairs." Ellie joked.

"You are a weird kid." South said and walked toward the scaffolding in the middle of the lobby.

Good, she needed distractions. Esther didn't need old memories slowing her down. She followed South to the small cafe area and searched to ground for something to use to get up to the ledge.

"Ahh, I really miss coffee," South sighed. Esther looked up and saw him admiring a coffee machine. Don't we all, she thought.

"Hey there's a ladder back her." Ellie's voice came from behind her. South pushed passed Esther and grabbed it from scaffolding and walked it to the ledge.

Esther climbed up before him and scouted the area still safe. She propped herself against the wall and saw South head popped up first. He wasn't a bad looking man for his age. He was still lean, he still seemed a bit spry. Mostly it was only his hair that gave away his age. Esther smirked. Yeah right. First man you ever seem interested in and he has to be old enough to be your father. Not that she was a spring chicken herself. Thirty-six years is a long time to live in the end of the world. Esther stared at her feet. The expression on her face probably betrayed her thoughts.

"Joke time," Ellie pulled a worn out book from her pack. "I tried to catch some fog earlier, I mist. Do you know what's not right?"

"Left." South replied.

"Yeah, that's awesome. What does a pirate say while eating sushi?" Ellie went on.

"I don't know. What?" South crossed his arms.

"Ahoy, pass me the soy. I don't get it. . . People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow," Ellie paused. "Too soon."

Esther felt the girls spirit falter. It was hard keeping positive when everything was trying to kill you. Esther understood that.

"That's all I got." Ellie up her book away.

They started moving again. South shimmied up a broken staircase and out into the roof. Esther heard voices and motioned her companions to crouch. She drew her bow and crawled behind a vent. She paused when she felt South hovering above her. He was too close. Her heart started to beat hard. She felt her palms sweat. She didn't like anybody that close to her. She wasn't that much of a people person. When he squatted back down he motioned her to take the right while he took the left. A clean sweep. She nodded and drew back her bow. Aimed for the hunter's throat and fired. It landed in the back of his skull. Close enough.

She crouched near the sill and crawled over. She heard footsteps in the room beside her. She snuck in took out wire and grabbed the guy from behind. She moved him behind the bed and strangled him. One down god knows how many to go. She moved room from room not finding anybody. She hopped onto a balcony and noticed a way up to the second floor.

She climbed on the dresser and quirky lifted herself into a bathroom. She heard more talking from the room beside her. She peeked around the corner to see a man with a molotalve cocktail. Damn that could be bad. She threw a glass bottle in the corner and three guys came in and searched the room. She took aim with her pistol and shot the bottle. Liquid fire exploded all over the men, and they howled out in pain. She waited till the screams ceased and put a bullet in each of their brains. She couldn't allow them to warn the others.

She then cased the rest of the floor. No more hunters, she then walked to the staircase and searched for South and Ellie. No them either. Could they be dead? A panicked shiver ran down her spine. She jogged room to room looking for them. If they were dead, how would she get out of here alive? A calloused hand touched her arm and she spun to strike. Light hazel caught hers and she breathed in relief.

"Oh, it's just you." She brushed his hand off. "There are no more men in these floors, you can look for supplies if you wish."

South nodded and turned. Esther moved back to where see came in at. She searched the cabinets for rubbing alcohol until she heard Ellie behind her.

"Creepy. Guess they took the easy way out, huh." Ellie motioned to the corpses in the bathtub.

"It ain't easy. . . For many it was better then letting a clicker or a hunter do it for 'em. Trust me. It ain't easy." South sounded angry as he entered the room.

Esther knew about the easy way out. All too well. When did it happen? Ten years ago. It was a night she would never forget.

                    *****

The moon was nowhere to be seen and the stars were blotted out by the glare of spotlights scavenging the area for stray infected.

"See I told you we would make it Gin." Esther huffed as she sat down next to get quarantine zone wall. Her sister flopped down beside her.

"Aye lieutenant," Gin grinned her smile faded as she cocked her gun.

"Gin what are you doing?" Esther moved to take the gun from Gin. Gin scuffled away.

"It's over Esther. I breathed them in. I'm infected." Gin explained.

"Gin put the gun down. We don't know for sure if you did. Gin please, be rational." Ester stood and inched towards her sister.

"We don't know that. I'm not putting you in danger on a hunch," her sister calmly took steps back.

"Come on Gin. Don't let it end like this," Esther coaxed.

"How was it supposed to end? Get to Boston and everything will be fixed? Say that to the forty eight people who lost their live getting here. No Esther. We both no that there are no happy endings for us. We sure as hell are not going to die of old age. Our deaths were meant to be bloody and violent and there is nothing in this universe that is going to change that." Her sister shrugged.

"You're not infected." Esther repeated still walking forward.

"No, I feel it. I'm going to turn. I can't become one if those things. I won't," Gin pointed the gun and her own head. Esther lunged at her and caught a stray bullet in her bicep.

Soldiers from the wall heard the gun shot and turned the spot lights on them. She was instantly blinded. She heard automatic guns load. Esther spun and whipped out her identification card.

"I'm Lieutenant Esther Donaven. I was part of a caravan attacked by Fireflies. Don't shoot." Esther ordered.

She heard radio chatter then heard the soldiers weapons lower. She turned her attention back on Gin who pressed her gun up to her temple.

"Don't. Just don't." Gin said calmly. "This is it. Goodbye baby sister. I love you."

"Genevieve no!" Esther screamed but it was too late. Gin pulled the trigger and red spray filled the air. The lights only made it more vivid, more real. She rushed to Gin's side and pulled her into her arms. Blood seeped into her clothing leaving her drenched. Warm tears flooded her face as she rocked back and forth sobbing.

"No, no, no, no, no, no," she whispered over and over again. "Don't leave me alone. Don't do this to me. You're the calm one. The collected one. The rational one." She chocked on her words until only her own sobs filled her ears. Her sister was gone because had failed to save her. She heard soldiers rush up behind her. She felt cool metal behind her ear and heard a small beep as she tested negative for the cordyceps fungus. Her sister wasn't infected, but she died anyway.

They pulled her away from the body and burned it, just in case it sprouted spores. She struggled and fought against the force of the men holding her back.

"That's my sister!" Esther shouted "That's my-"

"Soldier, control yourself." A authoritative figure strode up to her. "Look at that. That is the world we live in." A male voice rang out in her silence.

"Shoot me. I have nothing left to live for." Esther ground her teeth. "Not today. Lieutenant." The man spat. "Not today."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comments, grammar help. :)


	3. Memories Wished Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Esther's rescue operation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's with these characters and knees?  
> Naughty Dog and Neil Druckman own the Last of Us

Esther pushed past South and made for the stairs up. Dispair filled her heart. South was right. It's not easy. It's not fucking easy. She paused at the elevators and saw a ladder through one of the doors. She tried to pull them open on her own to no avail.

"Do you need help?" South's rough voice came from behind her.

"Yeah," she stopped straining for a moment for him to get in place.

"Ready, pull," he ordered and she heard the doors screech open from their combined strength. South climbed through the elevator car first and helped Ellie up. Esther made sure they weren't followed and made her way up to the elevators roof. She heard the trapdoor shut and glanced at Ellie.

"Just in case," Ellie shrugged.

"It's going to be a tight fit," South grunted as he slid through the crack between the bars and the wall. Esther followed suit and landed on the elevator next to him. It groaned under their weight.

Before Ellie could jump down Esther climbed on the wall using the top of the elevator doors and pulled herself up onto the ledge. The way the elevator swayed she was thankful she did. She reached her hand down and beckoned South. He got into position and boosted Ellie up. As Ellie's hand clutched onto hers the elevator's cables snapped and it and South plummeted.

"Joel! Joel!" Ellie called.

"I'm alright. Are you okay?" South's, now named Joel, drawl floats up from the bottom of the shaft.

"No! You scared the shit out of me." Ellie screamed.

Esther searched her pack. Damn nothing long enough to reach that far.

"I'm going to climb down there okay?" Ellie started to move to hop down. Esther caught her wrist.

"No! Stay up there. I'll make my way up to you." Joel sloshed around in the water below.

"Don't do anything stupid!" Ellie ordered

"I'll try." Joel now was out of sight.

"Now what?" Ellie sat back on her heels. Esther remained silent.

"You're as helpful as ever? Why don't you ever talk?" Ellie asked.

"There is nothing to say." Esther simply replied.

"Of course there is. I don't even know your name." Ellie pointed out.

"If you hadn't told me to fuck off. You might have learned it." Esther stood and helped the girl to her feet.

"Sorry about that tensions were still high. I'm Ellie. That hulking Texan below is Joel." Ellie held out her hand.

"So I've gathered. I'm Esther," Esther shook her hand. "Now to find Joel. There is no way he is going to make it up from the basement to here without assistance."

Ellie nodded understanding.

"He took the hotel map with him but I've cased this place. I know the top floors but anything below third floor I'm stumped. I know that there are three guards on this floor. I will need to take two out and interrogate the third to find out where the basement connects to the main building. I'll need you to hang back here as I find him." Esther explained.

"No that is bullshit. I'm not going to hang back and let you or him get hurt. You have more of a chance with me." Ellie snapped.

"More of a chance of getting caught." Esther's tone darkened.

"More of a chance to survive." Ellie's eyes showed her sincerity. Esther knew should couldn't argue with this girl.

"Fine," Esther sighed. "I will need you to stay quiet and stick on my heels."

"I can do that."

"Than lets go." Esther nodded and then led Ellie to the hallway.

Both women crouched down behind an overturned desk. Esther once again pulled out the bow. She listen for footsteps. She slinked around from cover to cover until she found her first target. He was alone. She sneaked up behind him, grabbed him and stabbed him in the throat with her survival knife.

"Joel needs one of those." Ellie whispered. Esther put her finger to her lips then pointed to the hall on the right. There a man was talking to another about dried fruit. She drew back the bow and fired one man fell while the other took the offensive and began to search the area. Esther snuck to the felled man and plucked the arrow out of his chest and followed the sound of the others footsteps until they stopped.

"I know you're there." The hunter turned around and pointed his shotgun at her.

"One false move guy and you're done for," Esther threatened and drew her pistol.

"I could say the same to you, tourist." He seethed. Esther spotted Ellie sneaking up behind him with a brick. She had to keep him talking.

"Not a tourist, a smuggler. Just trying to get me and my shit out of this hell hole. I can show you my stash. I've got medicine and food. Just let me go and I'll mark it on your map." She negotiated. Ellie raised the brick and knocked him over the head. He swore and Esther grabbed him and choked him out.

"Whoah nelly that was intense." Ellie breathed.

"Not out of the woods yet. Close that door. And give my the rope out of my pack. Oh and drag that chair over here." Esther ordered and motioned.

"Sir yes sir. Ellie shot back sarcastically.

"Really Ellie?" Esther rolled her eyes.

"Here you are with the chair." Ellie scraped the chair across the floor. Esther sat the man in it. Ellie threw rope at her and and Esther began tying his hands and feet to the legs. Finally as Ellie started to shut the door the man began to stir.

"Ellie I want to to go to the bathroom and shut the door." Esther drew her knife.

"Why?" Ellie stood there defiantly.

"Just do it okay. I don't have time to explain why." Esther retorted.

"Whatever," Ellie shrugged, went into the bathroom and closed the door.

"You already understand she is just a kid." The hunter mumbled. "Sentimentality will only get you killed."

"I'm only going to give you one chance. Where does the basement connect to the main building?" Esther calmly inquired.

"You know I like gingers. They are always such fighters." The man grunted.

"I told you one chance." Esther sunk her knife into his upper thigh. He howled in pain.

"You bitch!" He snarled.

"Where does the basement connect to the main building?" She asked again twisting the knife.

"I don't know!" He panted. She drug the knife down and lodged in between the knee bone and cap.

"One more chance for the truth. Lie and you'll never walk again." She pressed. "Where does the basement connect to the main building?"

"The kitchens. . . The kitchens." The hunter gave in. "Thanks," Esther stood and removed her knife from his leg. "You ain't going to survive this." The man glowered. Esther turned and pointed her .44 at him. "Neither are you," she growled and pilled the trigger. Esther threw a sheet over the man and cleaned her blade.

"You can come out now." Esther called.

"That was intense." Ellie opened the door.

Esther stared at the floor. She didn't want to expose Ellie to that. That was the worst humanity had to offer. Ellie didn't need to see it. Especially from one she is traveling with.

"Let's go find Joel." Esther muttered. She motioned Ellie to follow her down to the kitchens.

Two flights of stairs later they made their way to the kitchen area. Esther hopped down and caught Ellie as she fumbled with the ladder. It fell, Esther brushed it off they would fix it later. Esther went straight to the stove area looking for the access point to the basement when she heard an all too familiar clicking sound. She huddled over Ellie and led her to a small maintenance closet. She cracked the door and watched as the clicker stumbled around. She heard gun shots from the direction they came from. Were they followed? No impossible, Esther had made sure if it.

"It's down finish it!" She heard a man's voice shout. More gun shots.

"I got it."

"Nicely done. You bit?" One asked.

"Not today. You?" The other sounded off.

"Not today. Alright, spread out and make sure we didn't miss anymore of these fuckers." She heard them walk past the door.

She cracked it open in time to see a hunter with a shotgun standing in front of the door. Esther prepped to grab him when and arrow appeared in his side. Joel! Esther breathed a sigh of relief. He's alive. She heard three more bodies hit the floor. She opened the door and creeped out, motioned Ellie to follow, and searched for Joel. She stood as she heard metal scrape on the ground. She turned the corner and her face met the wall with enough force to cause her eyebrow to split. She stumbled backwards and fell into the salad bar. Blood rushed out of her new wound, causing her to grimace. She whipped her head up and drew her  revolver and tried to aim at the hunter but her vision blurred around the edges. She fired blindly and caught the hunter in the shoulder. He toppled over and she rushed him and kicked him in the sternum and he crumpled. She crouched down and crushed his head with a brick.

She looked up and life seemed to move in slow motion. Joel was being drowned, Ellie grabbed the the gun and and pulled the trigger.

                  *****

"Dad?" A sixteen year old Esther threw her bag in the arm chair in her living room. She was greeted with silence.

"Mom?" She called scanning the down stairs. Not seeing them in neither the kitchen, dinning, or living room she made her way upstairs. She heard a thumping noise in the master bedroom. She made her way down the hall when the thumping noise stopped. She paused outside the door, held her breath and knocked. The door violently shook on its hinges as if someone was throwing their body weight against it. She gasped as a hand came across her mouth. She glanced behind her and saw Gin.

"Baby sister move away from that door. Dad is infected." Her sister whispered.

"What's wrong with him?" Esther asked and made for the stairs.

"He's infected with a virus that makes him aggressive. He will try to kill you. He's not him anymore. Before you ask no I don't know where Mom went." Gin replied as she entered the den.

"Like zombies. Damn, you know that shit isn't real." Esther scoffed.

"It's about to get real."

"How do you know all this?"

"This thing, whatever it is hit my college like a storm. I'm lucky to even be here. They quarantined the area. Said a fungus caused the upheaval and everything would be okay. I didn't believe it for a second. I snuck pass and went to find you guys. You're the first I found that isn't infected." Gin explained as she opened the gun case and handed Esther a forty-four.

"Gin, you know how I feel about guns." Esther reluctantly held it in her hands.

"I don't care. Did you just listen to anything I just said? It's them or us." Gin cocked back Mom's revolver.

"Let's move to the garage a barricade ourselves until this passes. When we pass the kitchen grab a trash bag and all the food and water you can carry." Gin started packing ammunition into her backpack.

Esther heard a rustling in the dining room. She rushed out to see if was Mom. Before she could round the corner, the collar on her shirt was jerked back taking her with. Gin muffled her fall with her body. She shhed Esther and then motioned with her head for Esther to look. Esther peered into the dining room to see her mom crouched over making a half pant half crying noise.

"Mom is gone too. I'm sorry Esther but we have to kill her to get to the garage." With that Esther watched her take a hunting knife out of her boot and crawl towards Mom.

"Gin no," Esther whispered and reached for her sister. Gin then shoved the knife through their mother's throat.

"Mom!" Esther screamed and stumbled over. She turned their mother over to see a slimy film over her eyes and mouth. What the fuck was going on?

"Goddamnit Esther. Stay quiet." Gin hissed.

"No! You just killed our Mom." Esther screeched.

"Esther stop it. Come on, we need to go." Gin grabbed at Esther's hand.

"No. . . You are a fucking mental case." Esther snarled.

A bang sounded over head. Then she heard a stomping as her dad came down the stairs. He looked feral with saliva and mucus leaking down his face. His head jerked in Gin's direction as she shot at him and missed. He tackled her and started clawing at her face. She brought up her arms to defend herself.

"Esther shoot him!" Gin's screams were almost drowned out by the sound of their father's assault. Esther brought her gun up, but her aim was affected by the shaking of her hands. Her fingers numbed as she felt around for the trigger. If she didn't kill her dad; her dad was going to kill her sister. Kill one to save the other: how was she supposed to make that decision? She stepped closer, tears blurring her vision. She set the gun to her father's head. She closed her eyes and squeezed and felt the gun recoil.

When Esther opened them she saw Gin lifting their father's limp body off of her. Esther automatically unloaded the contents of her stomach. She had killed someone. Not just any someone; her father.

"What the fuck just happened?" Esther stumbled into the kitchen.

"Same shit that happened to me." Gin started.

"How the hell did you kill Mom like that? Have you no remorse?" Esther grunted and started loading food into a trash bag.

"The same way I bashed my boyfriend's head in with a baseball bat. I rationalized it with survival. To survive now Esther you are going to have to do shitty things. Things that would not make sense if it weren't for the situation." Gin opened the back door and helped Esther drag the food to the garage.

Gin lifted the door as Esther scuttled in. Gin then closed the door and padlocked it.

"Now it's a waiting game." Gin sat down by their dad's workbench.

"People have to come. They have to look for survivors." Esther sat next to her.

"That's what we are now. Survivors"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comments, grammar help :)


	4. A Way Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie learns how to shoot a gun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naughty Dog, Neil Druckman's, ect.  
> Hard one to write for sure. Summarizing gameplay is hard

"Man . . . I shot the hell out of that guy, huh." Esther heard Ellie's muffled voice.

She was trying so hard to focus in on it. Her head was spinning. She couldn't pick herself up from where she was.

"Yeah, you sure did." Joel sounded angry. Esther knew she was going to get reprimanded by the older man. At that moment she didn't care. All she wanted was the ability to move.

"I feel sick." Ellie sat on a crate.

Esther hoisted herself up on a railing. It was a concussion. She wasn't going to shoot accurately or make a lot of movement any time soon.

"Why didn't you hang back like I told you too?" Joel glanced in Esther's direction.

"Well you're glad I didn't right?" Ellie brought his attention back on her.

"I'm glad I didn't get my head blown off by a goddamn kid." Joel snapped.

"You know what? No. How about, 'Hey Ellie I know it wasn't easy, but it was either him or me, thanks for saving my ass.' You got anything like that for me Joel?" Ellie sprang to her feet. She stood up for herself. Good for her, Esther thought.

"We got get going." Joel mumbled.

"Lead the way." Ellie kicked the rocks around the floor.

Esther drug herself to Ellie and her knees buckled. Damn her ears for ringing. Damn her head for pounding. Damn her vision for blurring. Damn her body for not cooperating.

"Whoah. Esther are you alright?" Ellie lifted Esther onto her shoulder.

"I need help to that water." Esther pointed at the puddle.

"Why?" Ellie asked raising an eyebrow.

"It's a concussion. I need to clear my senses." Esther huffed. Ellie sat her down in the water and dunked her head. The cold felt nice. It soothed the pounding and the weakness.Esther stood, her knees still wobbling.

"I should be okay to walk, but there is no possible way for me to fight. Like I said it's a concussion, a mild one hopefully." Esther glanced at Joel. He seemed to acknowledge the fact she was now useless. He climbed the ladder and disappeared from sight. Esther boosted Ellie up and then followed.

"We need to get back out. Find the bridge." Joel said as jumped down into a hallway.

"Just tell me where to go." Ellie shrugged and leaned against an end desk.

"I hate the crap." Joel sighed as he scouted ahead.

Esther had no idea what to say. Ellie was acting like a typical teenager and Joel acted like a fed up father. Whether he wanted to show it or not, he really cared for this girl. Esther found his denial slightly frustrating but amusing at the same time.

The group made the way down the hallway into an abandoned ball room. Esther noticed Ellie wandering towards the beach backdrop in the corner. Esther leaned against the door jam and remained quiet. She closed her eyes to sway the migraine that was forming.

"That's a backdrop. People would take their pictures in front of it." Joel explained. Esther lifted her head to see what was going on.

"Yeah, I know what it is." Ellie crossed her arms.

"Okay then. Something on your mind?" Joel asked.

"I wasn't trying to disobey you back there. You were taking a really long time and I thought, maybe he's gotten into trouble." Ellie turned to look at him.

"It don't matter what you thought. I need you to listen to me." Joel scolded.

"I do, it's just that . . . Whatever Joel." Ellie threw her arms up in surrender.

Joel walked around the room looking for way out probably. Esther vacated her spot and followed him.

"It was partly my fault that Ellie was put in danger. Don't put all the blame on her disobedience. I am the one you should be talking to, not her." Esther said sternly.

"You are a full grown adult who knows the consequences of your actions. Even if it was partly you; Ellie should have been smart enough to know she is not equipped to handle the situations you and I are put in." Joel's eyes flickered to her. "I know what you are doing. Don't. She is not your responsibility. She is mine."

"I say, for now, we are all responsible for each other's well being." Esther climbed onto the stage.

She walked over to the piano and pressed a few of the keys. They were horribly out of tune. She smiled to herself remembering the days where she could press more in succession a play a wonderful melody.

"That door looks like a way out. Hey. Do you see a way up there?" Joel pointed to a door on the balcony.

"Nope." Ellie's voice echoed from the backdrop. Esther heard a deep sigh from Joel.

Esther realized the piano was one wheels and tapped the top, catching Joel's attention. He started to push while Esther got out of the way.

"Might be able to get through with this. Alright. . . Goddamn, this is heavier than I thought. Hey, how about a hand?" Joel grunted. Esther moved to help but was cut off by Ellie.

"Sure you can trust me with that?" Ellie replied sarcastically and leaned up against the old piano. Esther moved to the side and gripped the open key cover and pulled.

"Ellie." Joel's voice was a low warning.

"Push!"

"I am!" Ellie gasped.

"Push harder!" Joel grunted. Finally the piano gave way and slammed against the wall.

"There, how's that?" Ellie huffed.

"Let's go," Joel grumbled.

Esther pulled herself up first and helped Ellie with the ledge. She offered her hand to Joel. His calloused hand gripped onto hers as she helped him up. He stood there for a moment not letting go. It was a sign. That he accepted her as an ally. She thought. That he trusted her, if only a little.

"Thank you," Joel nodded and let go.

"You're welcome." Esther turned to catch up with Ellie. Joel made a sound like he was going to say something, but kept it to himself. Next time Texas, Esther thought. Next time.

They passed through the next room in silence. Esther lifted herself through the window and onto scaffolding. Joel and Ellie followed. Joel grabbed a rifle from a nearby chair.

"Oh shit," she and Joel cursed at the same time as they noticed hunters in the courtyard below.

"C'mere, keep your head down. Alright now. . . I'm going to jump down there and clear us a path." Joel turned his attention to Ellie.

"What about me?" Ellie asked. "You stay here," Joel replied.

"This is so stupid. We'd have more of a fucking chance if you would let me help." Ellie sounded angry.

"I am." Joel handed Ellie a rifle he had picked up.

Esther dug in her backpack for ammo for Ellie to use.

"Now you seem to know your way around a gun. You reckon you can handle that?" Joel inquired.

"Well, Uh, I sorta shot a rifle before . . . But it was at rats," Ellie felt the weight of the gun. Esther could tell she was uncomfortable with it.

Esther regretted letting that hunter get the drop on her. If she could see straight Ellie wouldn't be in that position.

"Rats?" Joel raised an eyebrow.

"With BBs." Esther could feel Joel's heart plummet, but he recovered quickly.. "Well, it's the same basic concept. Lift it up. Alright now, you're going to want to lean right into that stock, 'cause it's going to kick a hell of a lot more than any BB rifle." Joel explained.

"Yeah," Ellie adjusted the rifle.

"Go ahead and pull the bolt back. Grab it right there, just tug it." Joel helped Ellie reload. "There you go. Now as you fire, you're gonna want to get another round in there quick. Listen to me-- if I get in trouble down there, you make every shot count. Yeah?"

"I got this." Ellie replied.

"Alright." Joel moved to jump down then paused. "Just so we're clear about back there. It was either him or me." Joel disappeared down the hole.

"You're welcome." Ellie muttered and moved back into position.

Esther couldn't just sit there as Ellie and Joel fought for their lives. Adrenaline started to surge through her veins and numbed the pain and dizziness. She wasn't going to be useless.

"You good?" Esther asked. Ellie nodded. "Good, I'm going in as back up." Esther hopped down and crouched next to Joel behind a concrete median.

"What are you doing?" He hissed.

"Give me all your cocktails. I can cover you with fire." Esther paused then added. "Your shotgun would be nice too. I'll give you my mag. You don't need to aim with a spread."

Joel hesitated. Then handed over the needed things.

"Thank you." Esther checked ammo.

"I'll need the shotty back." Joel placed his hand on the barrel.

"Then stay alive." Esther stared into his eyes And then silently added. "Please."

"They're all dead! They're all fucking dead!" A hunter brought their attention to the group in front of them. The man looked frazzled. Hands on his knees from the run he panted.

"The hell's he yapping about? Who's dead?" Another hunter asked. The group was about eight people. Esther didn't chance poking her head up to see if there was anymore. She readied a molotalve and waited for Joel's signal.

"The whole crew. The seventy-six lookout guys. Some fucking tourist killed them!" The panting hunter explained. Joel nodded and Esther aimed and threw the bottle right into middle of the group. The hunters tried to scatter but it was too late. The fire had consumed them. As they screamed for help Esther heard more men scramble. She couldn't tell how many.

She saw Joel firing at a man in body armor. She lit another bottle and threw it in that man's direction. She heard him yelp as it seared his skin. His struggle ended when Joel put a bullet between his eyes. Esther popped up in time to see Ellie take out the sniper on the balcony in front of them. She then spotted a man about throw a molatalve at them, she pushed Joel out of the way as fire erupted behind them. She started feeling dizzy. Concussions don't just go away. Her vision swayed in and out. So she ducked behind a car as Joel entered an old burger joint. She brought the shotgun up and peeked around the car.

A hunter jumped out and knock her down. He straddled her waist and clutched her throat. With the gun out of her hands she unsheathed her survival knife from her hip and stabbed him in the temple with it. She kicked the body off and picked up the twelve gage. She shot and killed three men rushing towards her with successive shots. A man hopped on her back to force her to the ground. She stayed standing, holding the gun. She backed into the wall behind her crushing the guy. He lost his grip and fell to the ground. He held his hands up in surrender and she scoffed.

"Not today mister," she mumbled and pull the trigger causing his head to disappear. Then there was silence.

"Alright, come on down," Joel's voice floated from the tree in the middle of the courtyard. Esther slung the shotgun on her back and stumbled to the scaffolding to help Ellie down. She propped herself against some poles and motioned for Ellie to jump. Ellie land near her and used her to balance herself. Esther the followed as Ellie slowly walked towards Joel.

"How'd I do?" Ellie asked, her breath hitched. Her grip on the rusted gun in her hands caused her knuckles to whiten. Joel nodded then took the rifle, set it down, then reloaded a nine mill they saw he had picked up up from a dead hunter.

"How about something a little more your size?" He went to give it to her. "For emergencies only."

"Okay," Ellie took the gun and stuffed it in her back pocket. Joel started towards the tree in true middle of the courtyard. He was scouring the bodies for ammo.

"Now . . . The safety's on, do you know how to switch it off?" Joel was sounding more and more like a father every conversation he and Ellie had.

"I do," the girl replied sounding a bit proud.

"Okay, you just. . . You gotta respect it. This is not--"

"Joel, I'll be careful." Ellie cut him off.

"Okay," Joel mumbled his glance fell on a man hanging from a tree. The word "thief" was painted on the sign hanging from his neck.

"Whoa, nelly. Harsh punishment." Ellie exclaimed.

"Shit. It ain't that much different from what the military does back in Boston," Joel's eyes fell to Esther's. "I guess not," Ellie sighed. Joel's eyes didn't leave Esther's. She couldn't read his thoughts. Was his gaze intense because she was ex-military or because she had offended him in some way?

"Problem?" Esther took a few steps towards Joel.

"No mam," his voice became heavy.

"Good than lets spread out. Search for supplies." Esther said then turned to search the burger joint on her right. It had to be because she was ex-military. It was her way of staying alive. Joel had no room to judge her. He was also a survivor. Sometimes to survive one had to do things considered in the morally grey zone. Esther felt flustered. His gaze shouldn't have affected her in that way. It shouldn't have made her angry like that.

"You know a few weeks ago he lost a woman dear to him. Her name was Tess." Ellie's voice shook a little. "She was shot by the military after she got infected."

"Are you saying it's not me, it's him?" Esther tried to joke.

"I don't think they were in love, just good friends. I think he doesn't want to get attached to you because you might die." Ellie helped search the building. She gasped when she happened upon a dead firefly in the back.Esther grabbed the note and lead Ellie out of the store.

"That man carries a lot of burdens. More then I know about. That is for sure. He just needs time." Esther saw Joel wave by an R.V down at the very end of the courtyard. She started to walk towards him when Ellie stopped her.

"He won't talk about it," Ellie's face looked serious. She was worried about him.

"Sometimes words don't help." Esther placed her hands on Ellie's shoulders. "Joel is a strong man. He is going to heal. Trust me when I say everything will be just fine."

"Okay," Ellie tried to smile. They walked through the makeshift camp the hunters built and spotted Joel by a garage door.

"I need to give you this back." Esther handed Joel the shotgun back. He handed her her mag.

"I used most of the bullets." Joel hooked the shotgun to his backpack. He turned to the garage door.

"Yeah, I think you have about four shells left." Esther rubbed the back of her neck. "And no molotalves."

"We got through it." Joel grunted as he tried to lift the door.

"Need help?" Esther asked mimicking him from earlier. She never thought that a glare could kill until Joel shot one at her.

"Fine." Esther slid her fingers under the door and pulled up. The door was heavy. Joel wouldn't have gotten it on his own.

"Alright. Do your thing. Ellie." Joel gasped as the door began to slip.

"On it." Ellie crawled through and tugged on the chains that could hold the door up.

"Come on. The stupid chain is stuck. Hold on."

"I am," Joel retorted.

Esther heard a cart being pushed."Any day Ellie."

"Got it," Ellie pushed the cart halfway through."There."

Esther and Joel set the door on it and crouched into the building. "That was good thinking." Joel complimented Ellie.

"We can use the cart now to get over that ledge." Esther pointed to an opening.

"Yeah," Ellie moved to the cart.

"Help me open this." Joel waved Esther over. Once again they lift the garage door. Ellie snagged the cart out of the way, Joel nodded at Esther just to let go. The door slammed shut. When Esther looked back Ellie had the cart already in place.

Esther hopped over and helped Ellie and Joel followed. He abruptly stopped at the work bench.

"I have extra strings for our bows, hand me yours." He placed his hand out.

"Thank you." Esther slipped the bow from her shoulder and handed it over.

As Joel worked Esther couldn't help but notice how broad his shoulders were compared to his waist. He was in perfect physical condition despite his age. His arms flexed as he re-strung their bows. His strength was impressive.

"If you stared at Joel any harder, he would burst into flames." Ellie whispered. Esther was drawn out of her observations.

"I was seeing how he stringing our bows. For future reference." Esther muttered back.

"Right." Ellie sighed.

Joel turned and handed Esther her bow back. "Let's get moving."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comments, grammar help


	5. Making Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Esther struggles with her injuries, new companions are introduced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naughty Dog, Neil Druckman, ect

The group headed farther down the hall when they heard gunshots. Esther crouched down by the window and pulled Joel with her, he in turn pulled Ellie.

"Run." They heard female tourist scream.

"Keep running," the male one egged on. He was the first to fall. The woman right after.

"What do we do?" Ellie asked in a hushed voice.

"Nothing," Joel whispered. The watched the armored humvee from early pull up.

Two hunters hopped off the back. The woman cried for mercy but was met by a bullet.

"Busy couple of days, huh?" One hunter asked.

"Whatever man. Damn. No food. An old pair of shoes. They got nothing. Let's go." The other hunter pulled himself into the truck. The first hunter vaulted over the side. Within seconds they were gone.

"Oh man. . . " Ellie stood.

"There was nothing we could have done." Joel's voice warned.

"I know. . . It's just. . . Oh man," Ellie sighed.

"Let's just get to the bridge." Joel opened the door and drew his pistol.

"We got this." Esther drew her revolver. The snuck up the hall until they heard voices.

"Well, at least they finally killed that couple. I was sure they made it out of the city. Now all we need to find is this fucking pick up truck duo." A hunter complained. He sounded close Esther skid against the wall until she could hear him breath in the other side.

"There better've been an army in that truck. How the fuck did they wipe out an entire crew over there?" The hunters partner sounded as if he was in the other room.

"Let's keep searching. I want to wrap this up by sundown." The close hunter went to move an Esther grabbed him from behind and held her revolver up to his head. The other hunter aimed at her so he didn't see Joel flank him. His life was ended by a slip of Joel's shiv. Esther then broke the hunter's, she was holding, neck.

Esther felt herself get weaker by the minute. If they didn't stop soon, she was going to pass out. She leaned against the wall and held out one finger signaling she needed a minute to regain herself. Joel obliged and searched the rooms for supplies.

"Are you okay?" Ellie leaned over to offer Esther water from her bottle. "Don't worry it's clean."

"Brain injuries don't go away in a few hours." Esther took a swig. "I just need a moment." Esther took a deep breath and stood. She cracked her head a few times the motioned Joel and Ellie to follow her street level. Esther lead them to a van where her crouched in cover.

"Got word from the east side crew. They ain't seen shit." A hunter said. Esther traced the sound to a second floor building in front of them. Through the rubble Esther could make out three men. "

"Joel, there's a guy up on the second floor right there." Ellie pointed out.

"Yeah I see him. Stay low." Joel the motioned for Esther to follow him. The snaked their way through the rotten cars on the street until the made in the building. Ellie stayed in their original cover. Nine mill drawn.

Esther snuck upstairs and grabbed the guys closest to her and shoved her knife through his heart. She laid him down the stairwell and silently told Joel to move up. She peeked around the corner with her bow drawn. Joel had the same idea. The stood at the same time and took the two guys out. Joel took the molatalve then last one set down and slinked his way down the stairs. Esther covered him as they made their way back to Ellie.

"The way I see it is, the bookshop in the middle of the intersection is our best chance of cover. We should use their traps against them and bottle neck them into this building." Esther laid her strategy down. "Joel we need to take out as many as quietly possible. I'm gong to give you all my arrows. I'm almost out of fuel. I won't be of any use much longer." She handed him her remaining arrows. "Ellie I want to hide behind, the desk and don't come out until I say."

"This is--"

"This is not a few men and you are ground level. You will get noticed. Don't argue." Esther snapped.

Esther then moved into the bookstore, noting two traps: one at the entrance, and one on the building. Joel moved into position at the head of the store. He crouched and readied his bow. Esther took a deep breath and drew her .45. She nodded and he took out the first three men. She heard four other scramble. He slung the bow over his should and drew his rifle. They heard an explosion behind them. A hunter tried to flank them. Esther whipped around and shot the remaining men. She heard Joel's rifle echo against the buildings.

Things started to blur together and she kept pulling that trigger until no more voices could be heard. Esther peeked around the corner and Joel exited the building. Esther sighed. She needed to keep going. Surely she had been through worse. This time was nothing, but it doesn't mean it isn't any less draining. She closed her eyes. Just a quick blink.

"Oh man. . . Endure and survive." Ellie's voice came from ahead of her. How long has been checked out? She jogged to catch up with her companions.

"What? Oh right. That comic book thing." Joel muttered exited the rations building. All the crap she went through. Everything that her sister went through, was for rations. It was awkward to see a building holding the currency of this dying time empty. She didn't dwell on it. It wasn't worth her time now. Wherever she was going, it wasn't another military quarantine zone.

"Geez I guess this is how it ended for this zone." Ellie said as they passed the bodies lined up on the wall. Military bodies.

"Well every battle has its losing side." Joel looked up at a fire escape. His attention was divided between Ellie and the task at hand.

"What if they had families?" Ellie asked.

"Everyone has a family. Best not to dwell on it." Joel's eyes shown sorrow only worn by those who had lost something or someone substantial.

"How can you not?" Ellie stepped next to him and pointed up. "Hey get me up there." Joel boosted her up and she knocked down a ladder. Joel went to climb it and then held his hand out.

"Ladies first." He huffed.

"Who you calling a lady?" Esther took his hand and accepted his help up. She followed Ellie until the path ran out. They dropped down near an old military preparatory school.

Esther went to one to start her career. She remembered the day when she told Gin that she was joining. Gin threw a fit. She said that Esther was throwing her life away for people who would abuse and leave her to die. How right her sister was. The military left her in the Pitt.

"I stayed in a place like this. Back in Boston QZ." Ellie stood near the gate. "Military Preparatory School," Joel read aloud.

"Yeah, nice way to say orphanage. I wonder what happened to all these kid." Ellie kicked at the rocks.

"This place has been out for a good stretch. They ain't kids anymore." Joel searched the area for a way to move forward.

"Meaning they're either the hunters trying to kill us, or they're dead." Ellie's voice sounded down.

"Or they got away," Joel shrugged.

"But you don't believe that?" Ellie sound skeptical.

"I believe in getting out of this city. Come on." Joel moved to leave the area through the ally when Ellie rushed to a Dawn of the Wolf poster.

"These posters are everywhere." Ellie examined it.

"I saw this right before the outbreak." Joel said. That surprised Esther. Why would he see a dumb teen movie? Then everything clicked. His slight distance to Ellie. His fatherly scoldings. He was a father without a daughter. He must have lost her. Esther felt the sting of this revelation. He had lost as much as her, if not more.

"You did? Did he totally gut her by the end?" Ellie asked a little too enthusiastically.

"Nobody gets gutted. It's a dumb teen movie." Joel explained.

"Yeah it was." Esther mumbled. At least her and Joel could agree on something. This brought her out of the melancholy of her thoughts.

"Who dragged you to see it then?" Ellie smiled smuggly.

"I don't know. Let's just stay focused. Okay?" Joel resumed his path to ally.

"Alright." Ellie followed. Esther took one more look at their moment of peace. She shook her head and jogged up to Joel.

"I'm sorry," Esther muttered.

"For what?" Joel tilted his head.

"Nothing."

"Let's get through the ally," Joel called. They made it close to the street when the humvee drove past.

"Argh it's that fucking truck." Ellie growled.

"It's alright, keep your head down." Joel snuck past the back of the grocery store. Esther faintly heard a conversation about bacon from the two men inside. She motioned for Ellie to follow. Ellie went to draw her gun and Esther shook her head at her. The girl obeyed.

Esther found a man guarding the alleyway out, she glanced at Joel who tossed her an arrow. She drew the bow and waited for Joel to nod for her to take the shot. She lined it up and let the arrow fly. It caught him in the torso. She waited for the shout but none came. Heart shot. She thought feeling pleased with herself.

She took point and lead the two into the building across the street. As she was about to enter she was grabbed by a hunter, from behind. She flipped him into his back and stomped his throat in. She ducked as a bullet whizzed passed her head. She took cover in the office. She looked back and saw Ellie and Joel pinned in the main room. Her head throbbed, her body was exhausted, it was only a matter of time before she just blacked out.

"What the fuck are they shooting at us with?" Ellie screamed.

"Turret gun! Keep down and get to me! I see a way out." Esther shouted at pointed at the back door to another ally. 

"Come on!" Joel's voice rang through the hail of bullets. He grabbed Ellie and took cover with Esther. Before she could formulate a plan Joel had her by the hand and was dragging her out that door.

"Fuck! they're coming this way! Run!" Esther let go of his hand and pushed Ellie in front of them. She shot the two men blocking their path to freedom. "Move it!" Esther kept running until she hit a dead end, the truck kept coming. She noticed a side door and threw her entire body against it, it fell open and she tumbled to the floor. She heard bullets bounce off the side of the building. They were safe for now. She closed her eyes and let her body relax and take in the cool floor.

"Esther!" Ellie's voice sounded worried and muffled. Esther waved the girl away. She just needed a minute.

"Get up. " Joel's rough drawl brought her out of the fog. She felt him grab her arms and jerk her up causing pain where his fingers dug in. She opened her eyes and was greeted by hazel. He looked frustrated. She knew he was only keeping her around because of Ellie. Like her he didn't want to seem inhuman.

"A few more hours." She nodded and straightened herself. He let go, allowing her to keep some of her dignity. Her skin burned where he touched her. Why?

She shuffled up the stairs and onto the window ledge, Joel fell in behind her, probably to keep her from falling. They glanced down and saw the truck drive by.

"Oh shit," Ellie muttered.

"It's okay, they can't see us." Joel reassured her.

Esther pointed to an open window. She inched slightly passed it and and signed for Joel to investigate. She drew her pistol and aimed. Joel went through first and Esther heard a thump. She went to hop in when Ellie cut her off. Esther swayed and regained her balance. She vaulted the sill with her gun drawn.

The first thing she saw was a dark skinned boy no older than Ellie holding a gun rather haphazardly. Like he didn't know how. Ellie had her hands raised and Joel was crouched over another man on the ground beating the crap out of him.

"Joel," Ellie warned.

"Joel stop." Esther commanded.

Joel glanced up and saw the boy.

"Leave him alone," the man on the ground grunted. They were related. Esther thought. They look to much alike. Too young for a father, a brother maybe?

"Easy on. Take it easy." Joel stood and held his hands up.

"It's alright. They're not the bad guys lower your gun." The man grabbed the kids gun. "Damn man. You hit hard." The older one joked.

"Well I was trying to kill you." Joel replied sarcasticly.

"Yeah, I though you were one of them too. Then I saw you." The man pointed at Ellie. "If you haven't noticed, they don't keep kids around. Survival of the fittest."

"You're bleeding," the boy pointed out.

"Ah it's nothing." The man rummaged through a pack for a bandage.

Esther rolled her eyes. Ellie must have stabbed him. A lot of good it would have done if he was actually a hunter. Esther admired her guts though. Ellie reminded her of herself at that age. However Esther didn't start stabbing people until she was in her twenties. These were the times. Esther felt dizzy. She needed sleep. Soon. The stress and the concussion was draining her physically and mentally.

"I'm Henry. This is Sam. I think I caught your name was Joel?" Henry introduced.

"Ellie." Ellie then looked to her.

"Esther." Esther sat on a desk nearby.

"How many are with you?" Joel asked.

"They're all dead." Sam deadpanned.

"Hey, we don't know that. There were a bunch of us. Someone had the brilliant idea of entering the city, look for supplies. Those fuckers -- they ambushed us. Scattered us. Now it's all about getting out of this shit hole." Henry countered and explained.

"We can help each other." Ellie cut in.

"Ellie." Joel lowered his tone.

"Safety in numbers and all that." Ellie shrugged.

"No different." Esther crossed her arms.

"She's right. We could help each other. We got a hideout not to far from here. Be safer if we chat there." Henry seemed so positive in the situation given. Esther knew it was for Sam. Too give him a little bit of hope.

"Alright, take us there." Joel said. Esther stayed close to Ellie. Joel gathered odd supplies in the building. Things started to blur together, it was getting hard to breath. It took all Esther had not to sway. "You ain't looking to hot." Henry noticed her. "No offense."

"None taken. Got my head cracked today, but I'll be fine." Esther focused on her feet. "I'll make it."

"I'm sure soldier." Henry chuckled.

"Guess the entire world knows."Esther retorted.

"You hold yourself like one. All back and confidence. Like nobody is going to fuck with you." Henry pushed forward.

The kids were having a conversation of their own. It was nice. Ellie needed to be near someone of the same age.

"Yeah, I got that a lot in Boston. Hell when they kicked me out I was a captain. An entire squad of people answered to me." She paused.

"Just you now?" Henry inquired.

"And those two. Whatever they are. Met them a few hours ago." Esther wondered if she had know

them long enough to even call them friends. It's been seven hours. Seven long hours, Esther scoffed. Allies; not friends. Right? Then why did she feel protective of Ellie? She chalked it up to maternal instinct. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comments, grammar help


	6. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The race to the bridge and certain personal revelations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naughty dog Neil Druckman speech

"We got to be careful we're right next to one of their lookout areas." Henry glanced back at Joel. "Is it just you, her and your daughter?"

"We're not related. We're more like umm," Ellie stumbled with her words.

"I promised someone I would look after her." Joel finished for her.

"Yeah I can appreciate that." Henry commented as they enter a toy store. The humvee sounded by the window. "Wait everyone be quiet, stay away from the window."

They crouched to stay out of sight.

"Damn," Esther whispered. Her body didn't want to get back up. This safe house better be everything that man promised. She needed rest.

"They're gone." Joel stood.

Esther heard her knees creak as she hulled herself to her feet.

"Man. . . That fucking truck. It's been hounding us every since we got in this damn- Sam what are you doing?" Henry's vision honed in on what Sam was holding. A robot. Something any young boy would want.

"Nothing," Sam quickly replied, shrinking away slightly like he knew he was in the wrong.

"Get rid of it." Henry ordered.

"My backpack is practically empty." Sam countered.

"What is the rule about taking stuff?" Henry reminded.

"It weighs like nothing." Sam argued.

"The rule, what is it?" Henry scolded.

"Only take what we have to," Sam dropped the robot.

"That's right. Now come on." Henry motioned everyone to the back door. Esther's heart went out for the boy. Simple things such as that made kids, kids. She stepped back to find the toy but it was gone. Weird.

"How far is this place?" Joel's voice brought her from her brief search.

"We're close. Real close." Henry opened the back door. The driveway had a few hunters standing post.

"Shit, Ellie watch your back." Joel cursed and found cover behind a few crates.

Esther hung back with the kids. She nodded at Joel and drew her rifle.

"Stay with her." Henry whispered to Sam. Sam nodded and scooted closer to Esther. For the first time Esther didn't participate in the fight. She just watched Joel. He moved with more grace than the man beside him who was half his age. He took out more people too. He was powerful. Esther hated to admit it to herself but she was enamored. She was attracted and that was dangerous. She knew better than to get attached. As soon as they were out she would have to split. Better to be alone than a burden. Allies not friends, she reminded herself, allies not friends.

"We did it. Not bad old timer. Come on up on this truck." Henry climbed up as Esther herded the children towards the truck. Henry and her helped the children up and paused on the roof.

"Oh shit, more guys up there." Henry hissed.

Joel took cover as Esther slid beside him and grabbed arrows out of his backpack and took out three of the four guys before the hunters even knew they were there. Joel took the last out with his pistol.

Esther felt her body sway, too much. She lost her footing and felt herself fall over the side. Her plummet stopped abruptly by a pair of hands on her left wrist. She felt her shoulder dislocate. The pain brought her back.

"Damn it." Joel grunted as he tried to hoist her up. "Your other arm is not useless. Use it."

She latched onto his arms and used her legs to help him hoist her up. She fell onto Joel. She automatically rolled off him.

"Oh damn." Henry exclaimed.

"Sorry, I lost my balance." She huffed.

"And almost died." Joel growled.

"Let's just move on." Esther shrugged off any attention the group had given her. Time to press on, she thought. Time to recuperate.

They entered an apartment and Henry went straight for the hideout's entrance.

"Through this door." He motioned.

"Are you sure it's safe being so close to them?" Joel inquired.

"I'm the only one with the key man." Henry answered.

"Where'd you get that?" Joel sounded a little suspicious.

"I killed one of them. He won't miss it now. Everybody through." Henry lead the group inside.

It was an office. Small kitchen in the corner, conference room nestled to the right, and a CEO office in the front. Esther wandered through the row of desks and peeked through the windows. Once again the children were chatting. For once things seemed normal, safe. Henry lead them to the front room.

"Here we are. Welcome to my office." He made an exaggerated motion of pride. Esther entered and flopped down on the back couch. She scooted over to allow Sam and Ellie to sit.

"How long have you be holed up here?" Ellie asked.

"A few days. We found a bit of food though, here." Sam offered some blueberries to Esther, she waved them away. He turned his offer to Ellie.

Esther closed her eyes and blocked everything out. The soreness of her muscles, the little games the kids were playing with their food, the faint male voices discussing future plans of escape. She knew she should be listening but the sweet allure of sleep captured her mind. She was exhausted. Her brain rattled, her body thrumming, she let it take her, to a nice dreamless state.

 

Esther's eyes flew open. She heard rustling in front of her. She noticed someone had lain her down on the couch. She also noticed the sun missing from the sky. Henry had his hand on her shoulder, as if to wake her. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. She felt leagues better then before. She could focus now. How many hours had passed? She wondered. She glanced over to see Ellie waking Joel from his sleep. What plan had the men come up with while she slept?

Esther stood and grabbed her pack from the corner. She stared at Joel as he loaded up. She tried not to but her eyes kept flicking in his direction.

"Now, we're going to be moving fast, okay? So no matter what you stick to me like glue." Henry ordered Sam.

"Like glue. Got it." The kid mumbled back.

"Like glue. Good good." Henry touched his brother's shoulders in reassurance then turned toward Ellie, Joel, and Esther. "Y'all ready?"

"Yeah." Joel's voice rumbled.

"Okay, y'all stay close." Henry opened a door near the front of the offices and lead them through. Esther took care not to run into any of the desks on her way through.

"You tried this before?" Joel asked, following Henry closely.

"Uh yeah." Henry didn't sound confident.

"That's comforting." Joel remarked rather sarcastically.

"Relax old man." Henry shot back.

"I just hope you know the way." Joel grunted.

"This way." Henry said and led them down stairs to street level.

"Holy hell we were right on top of them." Esther muttered to herself. This caught the attention of Joel.

"We'll clear the skeleton crew and b-line to the bridge." He filled her in.

"Brilliant plan." Esther rolled her eyes. "But it's the only one we got."

The group crouched when they found two guards standing guard inside. Henry and Joel took point as Esther followed up behind them with the bow. Henry and Joel took both down as Esther dropped the one outside near the door. She noticed a spotlight scoping the area for infected, she also noticed its generator on the far right wall.

"Spotlight," Esther whispered close to Joel. "Powered by a generator there." She pointed.

"I see it. You take it out. Make 'em blind. Me and Henry will wait until they come down to check. A few molotalves, all in one go." Joel directed her.

"Good plan." Esther slinked away and dodged the light when it came close. She took out the guard looking after it and cut the power. She then took cover behind the median when she boots hit the ground. Then she saw the men go up in flames and heard gunshots. She popped up and took a few guys out not caught by the ambush. After all said and done, it was a pretty clean cut fight. The kids emerged from the building as Esther made her way to the gate.

"Alright we did it." Henry commented stepping over the bodies. Esther and Joel started to open the gate when the humvee came into view of the checkpoint.

"Fuck!" Esther snarled and pulled harder. Bullets started flying in their direction as the group slipped through the gate. 

"Keep your eyes open, we ain't out of this mess yet." Joel got into boast position. First Sam, then Henry, the humvee started to ram the gate.

"Hurry the fuck up guys, we are running out of time!" Esther paced the area and got her gun ready.

She heard a clunk and turn towards the escape route and saw the ladder had broke. Her and Joel were stuck. It would take too much time for Joel to boost her up without the ladder.

"Okay we got to get them up." Ellie motioned for Henry to help.

"I'm sorry we're leaving." Henry pushed Sam.

"What?" Sam resisted then followed and they disappeared on the other side.

"This is bullshit!" Ellie yelled after them. "What the fuck Henry!"

"We have other things to worry about." Esther growled.

"Oh shit." Joel swore and looked around for an exit from their current predicament.

"We stick together." Ellie said and jumped down. Esther noticed Joel found a garage door. She slipped her gun back in the holster and helped him lift it.

"Come on into the building," Joel strained at the weight. Ellie slipped under. Esther nodded at Joel, he let the door fall slightly and scooted under. Esther heard the gate fall open and saw headlights shine on her. What a way to go, she thought then felt someone trip and pull her through.

"Not going to die on me," Ellie huffed.

"Wasn't planning on it," Esther joked to cover up her lie.

"How the fuck do we get out of here?" Ellie asked.

"Don't know but follow me." Esther pushed Joel back out of her way. She lead them into a pub.

"Shit," Joel muttered.

"Bullet count?" Ellie offered.

"Not enough," Esther replied. She pulled out her pistol, Joel, his shot gun. She glanced back Ellie.

"Make every goddamn shot count." Esther prompted Ellie to draw.

"Yeah." Ellie breathed and her fingers tightened around the trigger. The fight began with a hail bullets and ended in silence. Joel pushed ahead looking for a way out. Ellie had held her own. Esther felt bad. The girl may had known how to shoot a gun, but she still wasn't comfortable with it.

"You did good." Esther smiled at the girl. Even though the situation was dire, Esther wanted to offer a little happiness.

"Thanks." Ellie murmured.

"Over here." Joel waved and pushed a cart out of the way. No sooner did they slip through the doors the humvee rammed through the gates.

"Go!" Esther screamed and ran towards the bridge. She pushed Ellie along as Joel took off ahead. Esther saw a bullet fly past her and trip Joel, she rushed to him and helped him up. They made it through the maze to find the bridge had been destroyed.

"Oh shit." Joel screeched to a halt.

"Oh fuck." Ellie stared into the fast flowing abyssal waters below.

"How many bullets do you have left?" Joel asked.

"Fucking zero!" Esther started to panic.

"They're going to kill us." Ellie pointed out.

"What other choice do we have?" Joel's voice started to reflect what Esther was feeling.

"We jump." Ellie made for the edge.

"No it's too high and you can't swim. I'll boost you up, you run past them." Joel took a step towards her and humvee pushed a few cars off the side.

"Oh my god," Esther backed towards Joel.

"You'll keep me afloat." Ellie made towards the edge.

"Ellie." Joel warned.

"No time to argue." Ellie jumped. Joel right after her. This was madness, but the only way.

Esther leaped and plunged into the icy rapids below. She struggled to keep above water, she was carried away down stream. Where was Joel? Ellie? They should have been struggling with her. She hit a fallen tree, branches tore into her abdomen. She pressed on and drug her way to the shore. She saw Henry and Sam hoisting her fallen companions out of the water.

"You!" Her voice ragged.

"You made it too." Henry sounded relieved.

"No fuck you Henry! You left us." Esther could hardly contain her fury. She wanted to beat the living hell out of the man standing in front of her.

"Hold there soldier. I had to get Sam to safety. I came back. Isn't that enough?" Henry countered calmly.

"Safety? Two minutes and we would have all made it to safety. Without almost drowning!" Esther pulled out her gun and aimed at him.

"Or we would have all ended up in that river." Henry raised his hands.

Damn what was she thinking? She lowered her weapon. Attachment; it was time to go.

"Tell Joel and Ellie thank you. It's time for me to leave." Esther holstered her pistol.

"No." Ellie's voice came from behind Henry.

"I'm sorry. A deal is a deal. Don't worry, I can watch out for myself." Esther offered a small smile. She knew it didn't make sense for her to leave. She just knew she couldn't get attached. She knew it would always end in tragedy. That was the way this world was. She trudged away. Ellie's words would only make it harder, make it worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it took so long, I fell into the pit that was Dorian Pavus and was unable to crawl out. So uhh merry Christmas if I don't update before then :)


	7. Rolling in the Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Esther planned to journey on alone, but fate had other plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuletides my friends. watching One Night Live always leaves me speechless and proud to be in this fandom. On the other hand it makes me question if Neil Druckman is a mind reader.  
> Really long chapter, but the next is terribly short so . . .

There was no way around the cliff side. Esther scowled as she dug her climbing gear out of her bag. She nailed her first spike in and tied the rope to it. She clipped her harness into place and attached to the face with a carabiner. This was going to be a long climb. The rock wasn't going like it should have and she was finding it hard to plant new spikes. Her footholds were not stable at all and more than once she slid down the rope accumulating burns in her palms.

Sweat drenched her already damp clothes as she climbed higher. It wasn't the fall that scared her, it was abrupt stop that would happen as she hit the ground. The fear of her not dying and attracting infected is what started to shake her to her core.

Finally her hand reached the top of the ledge and she pulled herself up. A suburb off the Pitt. Of course, she was hoping for a rode. Not a neighborhood. She wandered around pistol drawn looking for supplies and any sign of life that wasn't the hunters. She shuffled through empty houses, taking out infected and scouring for anything that might be useful. She searched desperately for a ride to lead out of the housing area and only found side streets. She happened upon the wall between the old QZ and the outside world. She remembered what it was like. Staring out into a void that used to be people. A sight she had seen too many times. A sight she had gotten used to over the years. Twenty years and eight QZs later she had seen it over and over again. Empty space that used to be people. Esther laughed at herself. Without other people to keep her attention she fell into the melancholy of her sins. She entered a house marked with paint warning people away from its door.

The looting, the rioting, she remembered it all. People didn't come to save her, they had come to kill her. The beginning was harrowing. Her town didn't get evacuated, the military let it fall to ruin and then picked through the scraps. Her and her sister were some of those scraps. They killed man and infected alike to survive that hell.

Esther ducked into the bathroom and searched the cabinets, she found empty bottles and worn out gauze. She slammed it shut and made for the kitchen. She opens everything and only found a few granola bars. Fuck, luck was not on her side that day. She went to leave when she heard the tall tell clicking from the front door. She turned to the back door only to find it barred by boards. The front entrance was the only way out. So she held her breath and slinked toward the door.

Pistol still drawn she stealthily crossed the threshold and made right only to be face to face with snapping teeth and the smell of earth and rot. She tripped backwards and landed on the ground with and audible thunk. The creature screeched and Esther put a bullet in what was left of its face. She scrambled to her feet. She heard more infected on her tail and she ran, just ran. She felt her lungs burned, her calves ached, but she kept going until the ground gave out. She went sliding down a ravine. Her foot caught on a branch causing her to role. "Fuck!" She screamed all the way down. She felt cold concrete greet her body as she finally came to a stop. She looked in front of her and saw boots. This was it. A miscalculation and the hunters finally found her.

"Esther!" Ellie's voice shouted and she whipped her head up and found herself at Joel's feet.

Wasn't he a glorious sight. She rolled over on her back and sighed. She was safe, or so she thought. Joel hauled her up by her flannel and brought her to his face.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't shoot you now." He growled, eyes intense. 

Esther stayed silent. She knew she hadn't had an explainable reason to leave she just had to.

"Joel, it doesn't matter now man." Henry moved towards them. "She probably had it rough too."

"Put me down," Esther commanded calmly. She was trying to calm her heart. She had never been this close to Joel. Even in his anger, to her he was handsome.

"We could have used you." Joel gritted his teeth.

"You did fine without me. Put me down." Esther wrapped her fingers around his wrist and pulled it away from her shirt collar. Her feet once again flat on the ground.

She stripped herself if her useless flannel and inspected her bag. Shit must have fallen out. Indeed she was missing her pistol, all her gear, and the food she had gathered was gone. Her rifle, bow, and revolver still present and her knife still in its sheath. It was better than nothing.

"Glad you're with us again soldier." Henry patted her on the back. Sam shrugged and followed his brother.

"So. . ." Ellie fidgeted.

"God must really want me to stay. I trekked the entire top half of this neighborhood. I mean what are the odds." Esther rubbed the back of her neck.

"We good?" Ellie asked.

"We good." Esther messed Ellie's hair a little.

"Hey look at that. What I tell you? Huh." Henry pointed to and old military tower in the distance.

"Let's find a way around to it." Joel fell in beside Ellie. "How are you holding up?"

"Business as usual, right? When I was with Henry I took out a couple of infected by myself. You'd be proud." Ellie leaned into him almost.

Esther took a mental picture. They were meant for each other. A father for a daughter, a daughter for a father.

"What you find up there?" Ellie asked turning towards Esther.

"Nothing I didn't lose on the way down." Esther said lightheartedly.

"I bet, that was tumble." Henry laughed.

"We heard your scream from a mile away. Thought hunters had found us until you came sliding in." Sam added.

"Thinking back on it, it's very funny." Ellie quipped.

"Haha." Esther rolled her eyes. Back to normal, her vision fell on Joel's tense back. Almost back to normal.

"I guess I just can't quit you." Esther threw a comment his way. His head jerked in her direction. His face hard. Lips pressed in a thin line, he grimaced.

Esther stared, she had no idea that he would be so angry. She didn't think he cared enough to be angry. After all they had only known each other for a little while. His face softened as Ellie touched Esther's shoulder. Esther knew at that moment Joel cared for the girl beside her completely, and he would forgive her if Ellie had.

They entered a house to right of them. Joel headed downstairs to the garage while Esther stayed in the living room with the kids.

"It was pretty intense back there, huh." Sam flopped onto the couch by the front window. Esther glanced back to see Henry keeping watch.

"Yeah totally." Ellie breathed. She sat on the couch crossed legs.

"How'd you two end up together?" Sam asked.

"Oh. . . A friend of mine. Marlene, asked him to take me to the fireflies." Ellie answered.

"You seem to get along well." Sam commented.

"Yeah, well . . . Now I just boss him around. Isn't that right Joel?" Ellie called out to him. They heard a soft grunt from downstairs.

"What about you? How'd you end up with them?" Sam turned his attention to Esther.

"You. . . Uh . . . Heard my leaving, ya? I met them shortly before you and offered assistance. Made a deal with the big guy. Now I'm here." Esther explained.

"Here to stay I hope." Ellie mumbled under her breath. Esther pretended not to hear.

Joel emerged from downstairs shaking his head. He had fond nothing. They left the house and continued down the street. They turned the corner and found house with a anti-looting message. Sam found his to it.

"Will shoot on sight." He read aloud. "Lots of friendly people lived here."

"First few months after the outbreak, they had a lot of lootin'. Everyone got paranoid Henry explained.

"You remember any of that, Joel?" Esther remembered. Her and Gin fighting for their lives in a broken world.

"Everyone barricaded themselves in their homes, supplies started running low. That's when you saw what people were really capable of." Joel seemed deep in thought. Like her he must of replayed painful memories. 

Joel turned away and found another message. He stepped through the broken walk and searched the pink rooms cabinets.

"I was just five when the cordyceps hit. My memory's pretty hazy, but I remember living in a neighborhood just like this." Henry piped up.

"What do you remember?" Ellie asked.

"Uh . . . Barbecues. Parents would throw these big crazy barbecues and invite a ton of people. You know I remember the smell more than anything. Weird." Henry explained. Ellie then looked to Esther.

"Umm. I was sixteen. A little older I guess. I lived a metropolitan area. I remember school and the useless classes I would take. I was a bad kid. Used to paint buildings. I remember this giant ally near Union Station in Seattle. We called Graffiti Ally and there we were allowed to paint whatever we wanted. The only time I felt like myself was there I guess." Esther smiled at the memories of her on a ladder coving up someone else's awful artwork.

"Wow, would have never pegged you as an artsy person." Henry raised an eyebrow.

"We were all different people before the outbreak. Just some more than others." Esther shrugged. She watched Joel's shoulders tense, then relax. Like what she said struck a nerve, but the moment passed.

Esther started down the street, she heard footsteps fall beside her. Joel was so used to taking point. She chuckled to herself. Esther heard a low whistle. She shot a glare at the source. Henry.

"Look doggies." Ellie pointed ahead of them. Esther's attention was drawn to the two feral dogs in front of them farther down the rode.

"You're going to want to stay away from those. It's not like it is in the zone. These are wild." Joel warned.

"What is this?" Ellie's voice asked from behind them.

"Oh, this is an ice cream truck." Sam answered.

"An ice cream truck?" Ellie sounded confused. Esther noticed the broken down vehicle. It even still had some of it's stickers, bright colors peeked through the moss.

"Yeah, Henry told me about these. They'd sell ice cream out of a truck." Sam said earnestly.

"What? No way. Joel?" Ellie asked skeptically.

"It's true. This thing would drive around and play real loud, creepy music and kids would come running out to buy ice cream." Joel explained. Esther smirked. That was one way to put it. She likes this Joel. He seemed human. He was socializing instead of being his normal brooding self.

"You're totally fucking with me," Ellie accused.

"Ummhmm . . . Serious." He offered a small smile to Ellie. Esther's heart hit the ground. He needed to do that more often.

"Man you lived in a strange time." Ellie commented.

"Told you so." Sam smugness could be sensed miles away.

"Arrgh. Is anyone else hungry?" Ellie grabbed her stomach.

"Yes," Sam agreed.

"Hey guys -- we break when we get to the radio tower." Henry interjected.

"Alright," Sam moaned.

Joel shrugged at the children then directed his steps toward an open garage with a work bench. Esther followed.

"I uh lost my pistol to the fall, and I think my revolver got damaged. Could you help me out?" She asked still testing the one on one conversations with the man.

"Yeah." He motioned for her to hand him the gun. Her second holster felt strangely empty as her hand brushed over it. She took the revolver out of her waist band.

"I'm sorry." Esther apologized. For leaving, for putting Ellie in danger, for being cold towards him, the list of reasons went on.

"For what?" Joel cleaned the barrel, and started on the chambers of the cylinder.

"You seemed angry with me. There must be something I had done." Esther slid a little closer. To see the details of his work. He sat the gun down roughly. He seemed exhausted. He turned to her.

"You just left. Henry didn't mention it and Ellie did everything in her power to ignore the empty space." Joel rubbed the back of his neck. "Ellie needs you I guess is all I'm saying."

"Then I'm sorry." Esther took a step back. She didn't want to press her luck.

"Don't be. I . . . Understand" Joel picked up the gun and finished his work. When he handed it back to her, their fingers brushed. It sent a jolt of electricity through Esther. Joel seemed not to notice.

As they walked Esther inwardly reprimanded herself. She had only known him for what? A day? This was not the time nor place to be having feeling for a man who was practically a stranger. Joel saved her life multiple times. He saw past the bullshit that she put off. He understood loss and didn't let it affect him. He lost so much and yet there he was, flaws and all; taking on Ellie. He was such a strong person and he didn't even realize it. With the twenty-four hours she knew him, he was a rock. He was stability and maybe stability was what she needed at that time.

The group entered the house and Joel automatically went into scavenger mode. He disappeared into the back rooms while Henry stood by the door. The kids noticed a dart board in the corner and began searching for the darts to go with it.

"Darts." Sam held five darts in his hand. Joel stood next to her and Henry as if to enjoy the show.

"Right." Ellie made for the board.

"Hey . . . Sam, be careful." Henry lightly warned.

"Yeah . . . Okay, I'll go first." Sam threw the first dart. It landed on three. Bad luck. "Damn it."

"Oh." Ellie seemed to have a realization.

"Okay your turn." Sam handed her a dart.

"Okay, just throw it?" Ellie got into ready position.

"Yeah." Sam replied. Ellie threw it and it landed on a double nine.

"Boosh, I am a natural." She gloated.

"Luck," Sam argued.

"No it wasn't."

"That was luck."

Esther felt her heart pull at the light game. It had been a long time since anything seemed this relaxed. This was normal now? Watching kids play darts in an abandoned home while the rest of the world was practically on fire? While infected hordes grow by the day? Esther sighed. It had been that way for a long time. She just didn't have time to notice it. She never questioned the flow of time before. The kill or be killed mentality. Now being brought back to innocence, her mind plagued her with thoughts on her misgivings.

She looked up to see Joel throw a dart and completely miss the board. She sauntered to him, picked up the last dart and lands it in the bullseye.

"May not count in the actual game, but I always enjoy going first." She teased, then realized the way it could have been taken. She should have been mortified if not for the density of her partner.

"It's always the same for you military folks," Joel followed Henry to the door. Henry commented on kids being kids before Esther realized he had just cracked a joke of his own.

Back on the road the came across a dead end with a Firefly symbol. These people were everywhere. Esther thought. No wonder we couldn't fully wipe them out.

"I'll look for a way around." Esther dismissed herself. She searched the area until she found a house they could cut through.

"Hey over here." She called the group found their way to her. She led them through and off the edge of the median.

A sniper missed her head by inches and she ducked behind a car. The group followed suit.

"Oh shit." Joel grit his teeth.

"Fucking sniper. . . Did you see where it came from?" Henry asked trying to spot anything through the broken glass.

"Somewhere down the street." Joel nodded. "Alright now; ya'll stay here."

"No." Ellie protested.

"Before you start -- I need you to keep this guy busy. I'm going to go around, see if I can't get the angle on him." Joel explained his plan.

"Not without me you're not. You need back up. I'm a great shot." Esther was the one to argue this time.

"I . . . Okay." Joel surrendered. He knew she was right.

"Alright. Hey, be careful." Ellie told them.

"Always, baby girl." Esther said and realized she let slip her sister's nickname for her. She froze for a second and followed Joel down the left side of the houses.

They enter the ally and five men ambushed them. Esther took the three out in front while Joel took the two out in the house. They fought through ambush after ambush until the entered the house the sniper made his nest. Esther silently took out the guard by the second floor stairs and Joel headed on up. By the time Esther had joined him, he had already killed the sniper and took up post by the prettiest rifle she had seen since Boston.

"Cover me. If anybody comes up those stairs. Kill 'em." Joel ordered.

Esther took aim and killed anything that moved. Hunter after hunter fell to their bottleneck strategy. Esther found Joel's shorty and used it with great proficiency. She thought they were done when she heard him start whispering "no" over and over again.

"What's wrong?" Esther asked leaning over his shoulder seeing the source of his panic.

"That fucking truck!" Esther snarled. She headed for the door.

"Stay. I need cover!" Joel barked.

"Take that goddamn thing out." Esther commanded. She held the door, though nobody came through.

"Got 'em," Joel whispered under his breath.

Esther let out a relieved sigh and joined the group below. The congratulations were cut short by infected tackling her to the ground chomping at her face. With a pull of the trigger from the shorty the clicker became a red mist. She pulled Ellie up and motioned for everyone to follow while Joel covered them from the top floor. She skidded into the house and locked the door as the last person, Sam, made it through.

"Joel you okay?" Ellie breathed.

"Still here. Anybody hurt?" Joel felt Ellie for injuries. The survivors all shake their heads. "

No, we're good." Henry reassured.

"Alright. I think it's time we quit this place." Joel led them out the back and through a broken fence. Relief washed over Esther as they finally reached their destination.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a Yule/Christmas present, two chapters back to back.


	8. At Arm's Length

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Esther comes to terms with her feelings. And ending of sorts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuletides! I hated writing the second half, be warned.

"Shut the hell up," Henry exclaimed.

"Dead serious. It was Tommy's birthday. That's all he wanted to do, just . . .rent two Harleys and drive cross country." Joel finished his story.

Esther devoured her food in silence. She had no stories the men wanted to hear. After all she was a teenager when shit went down.

"Ah man. I could die happy if I could just drive one around the block" Henry closed his eyes and imagined. "What was it like?"

"It was good. Real good." Joel simply replied.

"Good? Can you believe this guy? C'mon man gimmi the details." Henry prodded.

"You know what? You two deserve a little privacy." Ellie commented.

"No, no, Ellie, Ellie. This isn't just a regular motorcycle, okay. You get on that bad boy, you feel that engine. Nothing like it." Henry giddily explained.

"Oh yeah? How you would you know?" Ellie challenged.

"I've seen it in my dreams. Vroom . . . Vroom . . . Vroom . . ." Came Henry's reply as he pretended to ride a Harley.

"Okay," Ellie scoffed.

Esther smiled at the lighthearted conversation. It was different seeing Joel open and friendly like that. It made sense, seeing everything they had been through. Esther stood and wandered to the front of the radio station. She opened the front door to be greeted by the cool night air. She took a deep breath, smelling the freshness of it. She felt more relaxed than she ever did in a quarantine zone.

Even though there was probably infected stumbling around in the darkness she didn't feel in danger. She leaned on the railing and stared into the distance. There were no lights, yet the landscape was illuminated by the moon. This was nature and it was beautiful.

"Hey." Joel's voice came from behind her.

"Hey." She turned and waved him over.

"How is everything?" Joel leaned on the rail beside her. She felt the hair of his arm brush against hers.

"I feel fine." Esther replied at turned attention back to the beauty in front of her. It still didn't compare to the beauty she found in the man that stood beside her.

She knew it was a mistake. The infatuation she felt was wrong, inappropriate, and not reciprocated. She was thirty-six, not seventeen. Attraction started with trust and Joel was not a trusting type.

"You were a bit rough before. That's all." Joel shifted to his right elbow so he could look at her.

"These things fade." Esther reassured him, and herself. "I've been through worse."

"I know. You seem tough." Joel said with a fleeting smile. Esther tried not to look.

"That's the world we live in. You have to be tough." Esther paused then added. "Not too tough though."

"You know I've been thinking: what if you came to Wyoming with us?" Joel offered. "I know I extended the invitation to Henry and Sam, but not officially to you."

"Yeah. After all we went through together that turned into the plan a while ago for me." Esther straightened.

"Good. I think Ellie would like that. It would be good for her you know." Joel followed suit.

"My decision is not just because of Ellie." Esther breathed.

"What?" Joel blinked.

Esther felt the need to stop. To not open a fresh wound. There was no way that what she was about to do was going to end well.

"It's not just Ellie," she raised her voice slightly.

"Two days, it's been two days. I don't think--"

"Two days and we have saved each other's life multiple times." Esther countered and eliminated the space between them.

"Esther," Joel's voice lowered as he said her name for the first time.

"Let me have my moment. This perfect peaceful moment." Esther touched his face. His beard was rough against her palm. Her thumb ghosted his bottom lip. She marveled at how the light played shadows on the high planes of his face; how he could look so handsome, even though the life he lead had aged him so. How could his eyes capture her thoughts?

She took a shallow breath and brought his face to hers. She paused waiting for those light hazel pools to give her permission. Joel nodded and pressed his lips to hers as if he knew what she was thinking. At first it was tender. A light brush of his hand on her hips, her hands still on his face. His kiss then deepened as his hands snaked up her back crushing her to him, her fingers entangling on his hair. He tasted of canned peaches and iron, smelled of soap and something distinctly man. She never wanted the moment to end; when it did.

Joel pushed her away. A large gap formed between them. That was her moment. That concreted everything she felt. Including the fact that her feelings were not shared by Joel.

"This is were whatever that was ends." Joel's voice was low and stern. "This can't and won't happen. Ever."

"I understand. I knew. I just wanted to be a little selfish." Esther put on a fake smile. " I'm human after all."

"It was selfish too. I let it happen." Joel disappeared though the tower door leaving her alone to her thoughts.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, mostly to herself. She knew it was going to end badly. It still didn't make it hurt any less.

She waited until she felt Joel had calmed down and made her way to her blankets in the corner. She curled up and closed her eyes. She felt the tiredness drench her muscles. She started to doze. Maybe tomorrow would bring better prospects.

Esther awoke groggily to Joel stirring a pot of what seemed to Mac and cheese. She noticed Ellie had woken with her. She stood a stretched. Grabbed her gun and went to make rounds.

She got outside the door when she heard gunshots. She rushed in to find Henry holding a gun on Joel, Joel with his hands raised, Ellie freaking out, and a dead infected Sam bleeding out on the floor.

"Drop the gun Henry." Esther commanded her voice drenched in authority.

"Sam," Henry cried.

"Oh no." Ellie whispered.

"Henry," Joel held his hands in a calming position. He turned to Ellie. "Ellie stay there." 

"Henry, it's okay, it's going to be okay." Esther reassured.

"I'm going to get that gun from you, okay?" Joel talked in a calming voice.

"Sa . . . Sa . . . Sam." Henry's voice broke. He had snapped. He pointed the gun at Joel.

"Whoah, okay, okay," Joel slightly backed away. Esther moved forward hoping to catch him off guard. She could do anything with the gun pointed at Joel.

"It's all your fault." Henry whimpered.

"This is nobody's fault, Henry," Joel's voice remained calm.

"It's all your fault!" Henry screamed through his tears. Placed the gun at his own temple.

"Henry no!" Joel shouted. It was too late. Henry had pulled the trigger and painted the wall and Esther behind him.

Esther felt her sister's death over again. She collapsed backwards, gun falling out of her hand. She curled into herself shouting out her own inner demons. She failed to save Henry from himself just as she failed to save Gin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuletides, merry Christmas, happy holidays in general. Sorry but you won't see an update until the new year. Trying to get my things in order. Yes there will be one, don't fret Andrea. Fall is coming up next. Stay tuned.


	9. Super Special Chapter Number 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So now we have the Fall chapters. Well to break up the chapters, you'll underst later. I am doing important moments between baby Esther and Joel, from his point of view. These will be pretty much reviews. *cough* fillers *cough*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Joel :)

Joel stared at the flooded street and sighed.

"I can't make that jump," he grimaced.

"If you get me up there. I can move that plank," the Ellie offered.

That is when he heard gravel crunch behind him. His eyes shot to the yellow cab near the ally entrance. He saw a shock of ginger hair duck behind it. He put his finger to his lips and Ellie fell silent. He then snuck to the car. He heard breathing. He was about to grab the hunter when he took a step back into him. He wrapped his arm around to choke the man when he realized he was a she.

The woman yelped and sunk her teeth into his arm drawing blood. He let go and she fell forward. He went to strike and she deflected his right punch with her left palm and followed up with a right uppercut to his jaw. It was obvious he was outmatched. She then took a step back and seemed to want to say something until a bottle smashed against the side her face and she fell into he water, her hands up in surrender.

"Wait!" He ordered Ellie and the girl kept stepping towards the downed woman. "I said wait goddamn it."

"Nice to meet you to." The woman said sarcastically. Her voice was slightly deeper than normal. Then he noticed her clothes. Military.

"Why were you following us?" Joel interrogated. He needed to know her intentions.

"To see if you were hunters or not." The woman replied. It was obvious that he wasn't a hunter, she must have had other reasons.

"Why?" Joel drew a pistol from his back pocket. Her hand shifted on her face. It was still in the way, he couldn't see anything except her hard jaw moving with her words, full lips in a grimace at the obvious pain she was in, and messy ginger hair.

"Hunters took out my unit. I needed help getting out of the city. I thought since you seemed capable and with a kid, you would be willing to help." The woman explained.

"Why would anybody help the military?" He moved his finger to the trigger. It could have been a trick.

"Military? It's been years since I have been military. Smugglers asshole. My unit was a team of smugglers. We were smuggling medical supplies to Boston when we were jumped." The woman retorted. She seemed slightly frustrated. "Get me out of the Pitt, then we can part ways and you'll never hear from me again."

Joel lowered his gun. A smuggler like him, not expecting that. She seemed capable. An extra gun couldn't hurt, but still. He did not know this woman.

"Make a move to betray us and I will kill you." Joel warned.

"Understood." A cut reply came and she turned her attention on her wound.

Joel watched her work. She cleaned the little scrapes with precision and then took out a mirror to inspect the damage. She was as tired as he was. He saw it in the way her shoulders slumped, in the way she seemed to move. She glanced up at them.

Joel finally saw what she looked like. People didn't look like that anymore. Her features were severe. Her eerie silver green eyes were a little too big, her high cheekbones barely accommodated them. Her skin was far too pale for the time most people stayed outside, light freckles dusted her sunburned nose. She used charcoal around her eyes to prevent the glare from the sun. Her lips were cracked and split. She looked like she had been through hell. Her age was anyone's guess, though Joel pegged her early to mid thirties.

"You done?" He asked. He was growing impatient.

"Yeah," she stood and straightened her clothes.

Joel turned back to the flooded street and spotted a wood pallet. That would get Ellie across. He glanced at the two women. Ellie must have offended the newcomer, because she had her eyebrows furrowed in frustration. He swam towards the pallet and grabbed it. When he looked back at the shore the woman was gone. Where has she gone to? Bullets resounded from the bridge above him. He raised his head in time to a humvee shoot a tourist down.

"We need to get out of here," he mumbled and head toward the shore. The woman had reappeared, now standing at Ellie's side, looking detached. Ellie really must have insulted her. Can't be as bad as what Ellie did at Bill's. He motioned Ellie to get on the pallet when a splash happened next to him. Ginger must have made for the café. She was always on the move. He knew it was going to be hard to keep track of her. That was just what he needed; another person to keep track of. As God as his witness he was starting to regret his deal with this soldier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos comments opinions, you know the drill :)


	10. Ghosts and Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trudge to Tommy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the belated update, I know I'm terrible

Fall

Esther shifted in her coat. The rainy weather in Jackson County made everything feel damp and uncomfortable. Four months had past and they had finally made it to Wyoming. She finally felt like she belonged. Joel no longer ignored her and Ellie treated her like family. As the end loomed over her she felt a sense of dread. Something felt wrong. Something she couldn't place.

"Jackson County that means we're close to Jackson City, right?" Ellie pointed to a road sign.

"Shouldn't be more than a few miles." Joel replied adjusting his backpack.

"You ready to see your old dear brother?" Ellie asked, a slight smirk graced her face.

"I'm just ready to get there." Joel shrugged.

"You nervous?" Ellie prodded.

"I don't know what I'm feeling." Joel moved on. He bent down and picked up something near a car and stopped at the edge of the washed out bridge.

"What did you pick up?" Esther stepped beside him.

"A gun, still had some ammo." Joel grunted.

"You have the weirdest luck." Esther glanced up.

"Look up there. We can cut through that power plant."

"I was thinking just that." The corners of Joel lips twitched, like he was going to smile but decided against it. He needed to smile more often.

"So much for this road." Ellie sighed.

"We just follow the river, it'll lead us straight to Tommy's." Joel doubled back and found a way down to the river.

"Come on." Esther hopped over the fallen fence and scouted the path ahead.

"What happened between you two?" She heard Ellie ask behind her. Esther stopped at the bottom near the river bed.

"What do you mean?" Joel was avoiding the question. Cute.

"You and Tommy. . . You're not together, something clearly went down." Ellie trapped him.

"We just had a bit of a disagreement. That's all," Joel vaguely answered. He was bound and determined to dodge that conversation.

Esther stopped and leaned against a rock. She had to hear the rest of this.

"Oh here we go . . . So what was it about?" Ellie jumped down from one of the ledges.

"Tommy saw the world one way, I saw it another," Joel shrugged.

"And that's why he joined the Fireflies." Ellie finished.

"Yeah, your friend Marlene promised him hope. That kept him busy for awhile, but just like Tommy, he eventually quit that too." Joel said as he caught up with Esther.

"How was it? The last time you saw him?" Ellie stepped beside him.

"I believe his last words to me were 'I don't ever want to see your goddamned face again.'" Joel explained.

"Geeze, but he's going to help us?" Ellie sounded skeptical.

"I suppose we're going to find out." Joel shrugged.

"Well then, he's sounds like an ass," Esther commented. "Thought you were the biggest asshole left. I guess I was wrong."

"Thanks Esther," Joel retorted.

"Any time Texas." Esther winked. Joel made a disgruntled noise and continued.

"Well with or without his help, we'll get there." Ellie sighed.

Esther moved forward again. She heard the two grumbling behind her. She knew they were running on fumes. A cross country trek always seemed to do that to people. She couldn't wait to get to Jackson. It might be the rest that they desperately needed.

"What's that?" Ellie asked as they came upon a hydroelectric power plant. It looked like it was still running. It should be dead. Odd.

"That there is a hydroelectric power plant." Joel explained.

"A hydro who?" Ellie raised an eyebrow.

"It . . . Uhh. . .uses the river's movement and turns it into electricity." Joel faltered a little.

"How's it do that?" Ellie prodded.

"Look I know what is, I don't know how it does it." Joel rubbed the back of his neck.

"Alright. . . How do we get across?" Ellie motioned at the small reservoir.

"We'll figure it out." Esther climbed the stairs and tried to open the door to the control room. It was locked. She kicked the door in. The console was dead.

"Esther, there is a crank here." Joel's voice floated in from the outside.

"Can you turn it?" Esther called.

"Yeah," came his grunted reply. She heard metal straining. She walked out to see half of the makeshift bridge in place.

"I can swim to the other side and turn that crank to complete the bridge." Esther offered.

"No I don't want to chance Ellie falling off of it. I'll dive down, try to find a way to get her across." Joel dived into the water.

Esther and Ellie waited patiently for him to surface. Esther started to get more and more uncomfortable as time passed. Esther made to dive in when he surfaced gasping for air. A wood pallet plopped up beside him.

"Joel you son of a bitch. Don't scare me like that. I thought you drowned." Esther scolded him.

"Alright Ellie,"Joel ignored Esther's comment.

"I need you to.." "I know. . . Step on the fucking pallet," Ellie grumbled. She also noticed Joel ignored Esther.

Joel ferried Ellie across.

Esther waited for Ellie to turn the other crank. With the entire bridge in place Esther walked across.

"Hey be careful crossing that thing." Ellie warned.

"I will." She heard Joel's voice behind her.

With both of them safely across Ellie raised her hand for a high five. Esther smirked and gave her one.

"Teamwork." Ellie grinned. Joel also gave her a high five.

"Yeah." The girl excitedly breathed.

Esther cut down to a makeshift camp. She heard Joel's heavy footsteps behind her. She noticed a grave with a teddy bear on it. Her heart fell. It was something she saw too often.

"That is too small of a grave." Joel said somberly.

"I forgot to leave that stupid robot on his grave. What should I do with it?" Ellie kicked at the dirt.

"Ellie," Joel's tone lowered.

"What? I want to talk about it." Ellie crossed her arms.

"No." Joel answered.

"Why not?" Ellie shook her head.

"How many times do we need to go over this? Things happen . . . And we move on." Joel had a point.

A point Esther has already tried to convey to Ellie in Pittsburg. Sometimes words do not help.

"It's just. . . " Ellie stuttered.

"That enough." Joel cut her off.

"You're right. I'm sorry." Ellie fell silent. "Let's get to Tommy's." Joel led this time. Esther hugged Ellie around the shoulders. To comfort her. Ellie smiled and nodded and went to catch up with Joel.

Esther took a moment to herself. She stared down the river. The mountain air reminded her of home. Though now home was anywhere she could rest her head, without dying, she missed Seattle. It was a place and time of innocence; something she would never get back. She had done terrible things to get this far. Things that she would never forget.

It seemed Joel was used to her disappearing and reappearing at times because he didn't even bat an eye when she popped up beside him. Esther looked on to the tall metal gate. The group paused and searched for a way around.

"Uhh. . . Should we head in?" Ellie asked fidgeting with her gun.

"Ah, there ain't no way around. Gonna have to cut through the plant." Joel shrugged.

"Seems dangerous but we have no choice." Esther nodded. Esther positioned herself to help Joel open the metal gate. Joel joined her.

"One, two, three, pull." Esther grunted. The door didn't budge and she heard weapons cock above her.

"Don't even think about reaching for your weapons. Tell the girl to drop hers. Now." A woman's voice ordered.

Esther backed away. Glanced up and saw that they were outnumbered. On the low ground at that.

"Ellie, do as the lady says." Joel fell in beside Esther.

"Okay." Ellie complied.

"Please tell me you're lost." The woman stared down at them.

"We didn't know this place was occupied. We're just trying to make our way through." Joel replied.

"Through to where?" The woman demanded.

"They're alright." A male voice, with a familiar southern drawl came from behind the gate.

"What you know these people?" The woman sounded surprised.

"I know him." The gate opened revealing a man Esther thought long dead. "He's my goddamned brother."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comments. Tell me what you really think.


	11. A Bitter(sweet) Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lines are crossed, decisions are made

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look what I remembered :)

"Tommy." Joel's eyes showed the relief he was trying so hard to hide.

"Holy shit," Tommy breathed. The two men embraced.

The man looked different. More rugged. Life had been as kind to him as it was to Joel. Tommy. She never asked his name. Tommy never expected to see Joel again. Esther could tell by the way he acted. Who knew that Joel would survive a cross country trek? Esther counted their odds four to one they wouldn't make it. She knew that Tommy must have felt overwhelmed to say the least.

"How you doing baby brother?" Joel asked.

"Goddamn," Tommy shook his head.

"Yeah," Joel muttered.

"Let me look at you. You got fucking old," Tommy joked.

"Easy -- it's going to happen to you too," Joel bantered back.

"This is Maria. Be nice to her. She sort of runs things around here." Tommy introduced the blonde woman.

"Ma'am. Thanks for not blowing my head off." Joel nodded.

"Would've been embarrassing. Considering you're my brother in law." Maria chuckled. Joel seemed surprised. Tommy just smiled at him.

"We all got to get wrangled up at some time." He commented then turned his attention to Esther. "Speaking of which. . . "

"Oh it's not like that." Esther quickly cut in. "We're just traveling together."

"Don't I know you?" Tommy raised an eyebrow.

"From a long time ago. Donaven. Esther Donaven. I uhh helped you out of Boston. Good to see you survived." Esther adjusted her backpack. She could feel Joel's stare on the back of her neck.

"Ellie right?" Maria cut through the tension.

"Yeah," Ellie replied.

"What brings you through here?" Maria inquired.

"Uhh . . . It's a long story."Ellie mumbled.

"Why don't we bring 'em inside?" Tommy motioned.

"Yeah. You hungry?" Maria looked to Ellie.

"Starving." Ellie gave a slight smile.

Tommy led them into the compound. Esther realized how many people worked there. If each had families, the settlement in Jackson must be huge.

"False alarm. They're friendlies." Maria called out. She then turned to talk to the group. "We've been dealing with raids. Lots of bandits in this area."

"It's been quiet for a few days." Tommy added.

"What the hell you doin' here? I thought I'd find you in Jackson." Joel asked Tommy.

"Been trying to bring the plant back to life," Tommy explained.

"We had it working before, but one of the turbines went south." Maria pointed at the large building in front of them.

"We have electricity Joel . . . Had. We'll get it running again." Tommy sounded optimistic.

"No way, you have horses?" Ellie's excited voice brought the creatures to Esther's attention.

"We got a whole lot of them." Maria crossed her arms.

"Tommy give me a hand with this." A man trying to fix a horseshoe waved Tommy over.

"Sorry. I'll be right back." Tommy bowed out to help the man.

"Can I?" Ellie's eyes couldn't have gotten any bigger.

"Yeah of course. He likes when you pet his ears. Have you ever ridden a horse?" Maria asked.

"I actually have," Ellie said proudly as she pet the horse's mane.

"When have you ridden a horse?" Joel sounded skeptical.

"Winston, this soldier back in the zone. He gave me lessons." Ellie replied.

Esther didn't remember him, must have been a different part. She wished she had met him though.

"You know, if you want, we can take him riding later," Maria offered.

"Awesome!" Ellie exclaimed.

Esther pet the horse's side. It had been over twenty years since she had seen a horse. Memories flooded back to her. Gin and her trekking through the back forests of Bellview on horses. Camping. Esther couldn't help the smile on her face. Lost in her memories she didn't noticed Joel behind her.

He leaned over and patted the horse. Her fingers brushed his. She flinched away from the contact. She knew his stance, though it didn't change hers. She loved him. Any contact would make it worse.

"You helped Tommy out?" Joel's voice rumbled against her back.

"Yeah, a long fucking time ago. You're not angry at me about that?" Esther shot back.

"He could have died." Joel leaned to only where she could hear him.

"He's standing right there." Esther snapped. "Don't focus on what could have been. Focus on what is. He could have died, but he didn't. I could have died, you could have died, Ellie could have died. Multiple times we were put in situations where it was the end of the line. We survived. He survived and that is how this conversation will end."

Sometimes Joel was so frustrating.

"There." Tommy grunted and the shoe finally came loose.

"Hey thanks Tommy." The man said.

"No sweat. All right, let's continue to tour." Tommy motioned for them to follow. Joel fell quiet as they kept walking. Esther knew he was mulling her words over. His brow would furrow and he would stare at the ground if he thought about anything too hard.

"Earl?" Maria stopped by another worker.

"Yeah," Earl stood straight. "Why are you here? Weren't you supposed to head back this morning?" Maria cocked her head.

"Still waiting for Houser and the rest of the boys to relieve me." Earl replied.

"We'll be fine. Just. . . Go home to your family." Maria tried to dismiss him.

"It's just a couple more hours. I'll tough it out." Earl countered.

"Alright, well take it easy." Maria shrugged.

"Maria." The walkie talkie sounded.

"Yeah, go ahead," she replied.

"We're in the control room. Steve's about to start it back up. Do you wanna come check it out?" The radio explained.

"I'd rather eat with Ellie." Maria glanced at the girl.

"It's my turn anyway. I'll go." Tommy cut in.

"I'll come too." Joel turned to Ellie.

"Go with Maria and put some food in ya."

Esther stood there. Why was her heart hurting. Was this the terrible feeling she had before? The sense of dread?

"Esther? You coming?" Ellie's voice tore her from her thoughts.

"Yeah, I guess I am a bit hungry." She followed the other women.

"C'mon Ellie, let's get give the boys some space." Maria clicked the walkie talkie."I'm sending Tommy over. Stand by."

Esther glanced back as Joel and Tommy disappeared into the front building. Maria led them away to the cafeteria. They entered and Maria took them straight to the kitchen.

"So Esther right?" Maria opened an ice box and rummaged.

"Yeah, that's me." Esther rubbed the back of her neck.

"Tommy told me about you when he first got here. He said you were a machine. Everything about the smuggle was meticulously planned." Maria searched the cupboards, found nothing.

"I was a soldier. Trained from a teen to be that way. Now that I think about it, I was such a hardass. It was actually my first illegal act since the end. I thought it would have been a waste to get caught at the first thing I did." Esther failed to mention it was two days after Gin pulled the trigger. She felt a little reckless and knew the military was useless.

"Lucky, you were one of the reasons Tommy survived." Maria looked up as the light flickered on."Let there be light. C'mon let's catch up with the boys. We'll find food later, near dinner."

Maria led them out and to the building the men entered. A bunk house. Maria's head fell when she spotted Tommy's pack open. She walked to it and picked a photo.

"I thought Joel would take this." She sighed.

"What is it? Ellie asked.

"A photograph of his daughter Sarah, she died at the beginning of the outbreak. A soldier, Tommy said." Maria's voice faltered.

Esther now knew everything. Ellie, her. It all came together and it hit her like a brick. Esther's heart plummeted to her feet. It broke for the man. Booms echoed across the complex. Esther looked for the source of the sound. Maria drew her rifle.

"It's a raid. We must retreat back to the cafeteria. There is more ammo there."

Esther drew a saw off she picked up in Kansas and motioned for Maria to cover her. Ellie also had her nine mil out. Esther slowly opened the door to the front courtyard and saw hunters patrolling. Many of the denizens of the plant were dead, including Earl.

"You should have left when I told you to." Maria whispered to herself.

Esther counted seven men in her line of view, unknown out. She signed the number to Maria and pointed out the ones she wanted the woman to take. Maria nodded and they began the ambush. Esther snuck up behind the one guarding the door and broke his neck. That alerted the man closest. Esther used his buddy as a human shield and caught the guy straight in the chest with the saw off. She threw the body down and ducked as Maria took out the guy aiming at the top of the gate. Esther shot to the left to dodge a hunter with a twelve gage. She grabbed the barrel of it and slammed it into the man's face. He lost his grip and Esther stole the gun. He fell back into the mud. Esther finished him off and took aim at the guy trying to catch Ellie.

"Move!" Her voice echoed and Ellie rolled out of the way. Esther pulled the trigger and downed him. The shotgun she stole ran out of ammo, she switched to a more favorable gun, her revolver. A bullet whispered passed her face, she shot to cover. More than seven, she thought. Maria stared at her from her left and Ellie used the bunkhouse door for cover.

"You still alive pretty girl?" A hunter taunted. "Never seen you around before."

Esther counted her bullets. Four for her revolver, two for the saw off, zero for rifle, and she ran out of arrows a long time ago.

"As I see it. You are out numbered. You are only three people. I got watch dogs." The hunter spoke again.

Dogs, two or three on the watch tower, the most people who could fit. Then the rest was on the ground in cover. Like her. 

"You keep spouting, you'll give away your position." Esther called out.

"We have the high ground. I can boast all I want." The hunter laughed.

"If you're so confident, would you mind telling me your numbers?" Esther pressed.

"There are twelve men with me, here and now. Fourteen attacked the control room, and fifteen on the bridge. You have no chance." The man complied. "None of you did."

Joel, was where her thoughts ended up. He was in the control room, she noticed the bridge was the only way in or out. Was he alive? Will he make it? Of course, she coaxed herself. Joel is a one man army. Plus Tommy, they would just fine. She brought herself back to her situation. Would they make it? Of course, she was also a one man army, with Maria their chances sprang from none, to slim.

Esther peeked over her cover. She was right, three up top, nine in scattered cover. Arrogance is what sealed his fate. Twelve. Esther had six bullets, Ellie had a full clip, Maria only got a few shots off and her rifle had a four round clip. She signed three up top, nine on the ground. Maria knew her job was to take out the high ground advantage. Maria also slid Esther a hatchet. Finally a strong melee weapon.

Three, two, one, Esther sprang into action picking three men off with the revolver, the man who spoke, grabbed her from behind, she twisted and buried the hatchet in his face. As he fell she jerked it out and caught another coming from the right in the throat. He sputtered and gargled as he gasped for air. Esther felt a sharp pain in her shoulder. She glanced at it and saw blood. She clutched it and snarled in pain. She heard two more shots and whipped around.

Ellie stood over the man who shot her.

The front courtyard was clear and her and the two other women belined for their destination.

"Maria we are running out of options." Esther blocked the door.

"I know, I know, I'll radio the boys." Maria patched through.

"Tommy," Hunters broke in through the first door. "Bandits they're breaking into the building."

"Can you get out of there?" Tommy sounded worn. Esther heard Joel grunt in the background. Esther sighed in relief.

"No we're trapped." Maria started to back toward the small office in the corner. Esther took the first two out before she ran out of bullets in her revolver. She holstered it and drew the sawed off.

"We're gonna come to you. . . Just stay--" The walkie cut off.

"Let's get barricaded. Now it's in how we make them work for it." Esther shoved Maria and Ellie in the small office and blocked the door.

Hunters started pounding on it. Esther stayed vigilant for when they broke through. Her vision blurred from the loss of blood from her shoulder. The pain came in waves. Maria stayed close to Ellie in the back. Minutes passed like hours, Esther felt weak and started breathing hard.

Then she heard it. The brothers broke through and provided backup. Esther pointed to the hunter at the door to Joel and he made quick work of the man.

"They're all dead." Ellie sounded. "Tommy!" Maria called out.

"Maria!" Tommy replied.

"We're alright the kid's with us." Maria reassured.

Esther unblocked the door and allowed Maria and Ellie to rush Joel and Tommy. She took off her coat and started to bandage her shoulder in the background.

"That was too damn close." Esther heard Joel mumble. He stared at her for a moment before Ellie dived into her explanation of what happened.

"Joel oh man they were coming from every direction. Esther was shooting left and right, there was a hatchet involved." Ellie excitedly explained.

"Listen," Joel tried to interject.

"Then we like ran here with them close behind." Ellie continued to ramble.

"Slow down and listen." Joel tried again.

"And then--"

"Hey, hey. Are you hurt?" Joel finally asked.

"No. But Esther got one in the shoulder." Ellie replied, calming down.

Esther finally rested her arm in a makeshift sling. For now it would have to do. She walked up to the the two people she cared about the most.

She noticed something had fallen out of Ellie's backpack, a photo. Not just any photo. The one of Joel's daughter. Esther stared at the photo. The Joel staring back at her was younger, happier. He seemed an entirely different person. He seemed truly happy. He actually was grinning. A big smile plastered across his face. His daughter looked a lot like him. She was beautiful. What was it like to lose somebody that precious before the true hell even started? Esther didn't want to think on it. This picture was worth more than a thousand words, it was an entire explanation on why Joel was as hardened as he was, why he was mistrusting as he was, why he cared for Ellie so much. Why he wanted to run away.

Esther had a creeping feeling that Joel wanted to leave Ellie with Tommy. The look on Tommy's face said it all. The heartbreak on what he had to do. Esther deftly placed the picture back in Ellie's backpack before she followed Joel, Tommy and Maria to the courtyard.

Tommy and Maria started conversing while Joel sat on some crates nearby looking lost, or guilty; Esther couldn't read which. She sat beside him, nursing her wounded arm.

"Tough luck with that bullet wound." Joel muttered.

"It was clean through, it'll heal alright." Esther replied, she shifted, leaning slightly on her knees. "I knew that I was going to stay here, with or without you. I want to settle down and build a future."

"Esther," Joel started.

"Wait," Esther cut him off. "What is your plan? After all this? What will you do?"

Silence was his reply.

"You're running away. That's what you have been doing for twenty years. For once you have a chance to make something out of this life and you are choosing to, what? Move on."

"You have no idea what you're talkin' about," Joel growled.

"What are Tommy and Maria talking about? Why do you look like you are about to drown in guilt? What are you so afraid of that you are willing to give up everything you have built? Loss?" Esther tried to keep her voice calm and low.

"You don't understand anything." Joel snapped.

"About loss? My parents in the beginning. Had to shoot them, infected. I lost an entire team of friends, because of my pride in Pittsburgh. I lost my sister, because I failed to save her. Thirty-six years Joel and twenty of them have been all about this concept." Esther countered. "But you move on."

"She was just a job," Joel said through gritted teeth.

"You would say anything to separate yourself from the truth. To justify your broken decision." Esther stood. "Stop living in the past. Joel. Start living for the future."

"That now is none of your concern." Joel's eyes reflected his anger.

"She's not your daughter," Esther then paused and waited for his reply.

"She's not yours either." He retorted.

"That's not what I meant." Esther walked away.

She couldn't take him anymore. She wanted to save what respect she had for him. She couldn't see Joel in that state. She closed her eyes. This was the dread her mind warned her about. This end was not the one she wanted, not by a long shot. But it was an end of sorts.

Ellie pushed by, Esther glanced back and saw Maria talking with Joel. Esther made her way back to the group.

"What was that--" Her question was cut off by the sound of Tommy's walkie talkie.

"Say again I didn't hear ya," Tommy talked into it, worry etched his face. "Joel!"

"What? What is it?" Joel noticed his brother's expression.

"That girl of yours, took one of our horses and rode off." Tommy explained.

"Damn it," Joel swore. "Which way?"

"C'mon," Tommy motioned for Joel to follow. Joel turned to when Esther caught his wrist.

"Please make the right choice." She gazed into his hazel eyes.

She pushed her anger down and knowing that this was the last time she would see him, she kissed him. He didn't push her away. He pulled back, eyebrows furrowed. He knew what he was doing was wrong.

"Esther," Joel sighed before he jogged away.

"Hey, let's get that wound properly checked out," Maria helped her too the opposite gate. Maria mounted a horse and helped her onto it. "We got better medical supplies in Jackson."

Esther awoke on Maria and Tommy's couch to Tommy scuffling in. Alone.

"They're both fine." Tommy reassured before Esther could question. "Joel decided it best if he were the one to escort Ellie to the Fireflies."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But wait there's more.  
> Comments kudos the usual


	12. Reflections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Esther thinks on her life choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just character development, now that she has time to herself
> 
> So. . . As you can guess these next few chapters will be all just Esther. She will have the rest of Fall, Winter, and Spring chapters; just like Joel and Ellie. You guys will find deep parallels between Joel and her now. Wrote them on purpose, not to be cheesy. You might have noticed one already, spoilers not giving it away :).

The first month without Joel and Ellie flew by. Esther was the extra pair of hands Tommy and Maria desperately needed. Because of her experience with military hardware she knew how to read and enact blueprints. That kept her at the plant most days, studying it's schematics, figuring out how to optimize the facility's inner workings. Her shoulder prevented her from any hard labor.

"So any interesting stories about my brother?" Tommy asked leaning on the plant's main console.

"He was a complete and total dick. There is not much to tell." Esther glanced up from the blueprints. Well she wasn't wrong. She wasn't about to tell Tommy about her deep seeded feelings about his brother.

"Sure there is. Joel is a human being. Sometimes." Tommy joked.

"We went through hell to get here. All the good things that might have happened were overshadowed by the bad things that did." Esther felt her heart hurt. A pluck on the strings that rang a sour note.

"Joel used to sing. All the time you know." Tommy sat at the table with her. "He always wanted me to try. He'd sing Pearl Jam or Radio Head and motion me to sing along. I couldn't carry a tune, but he always made me sing anyway; because it made Sarah laugh."

"I caught him humming a few times. Thought I was hearing things at first. Then it kept happening more often. I would always try to keep out of sight and guess what song he was humming. It made him seem-"

"Human." Tommy cut her off.

"We've all done terrible things to survive. We have lost so much. How do we come back from that? How do we stop being the monsters that got us here? Do we even deserve peace and normality after everything we've done?" I've done? Her guilt enveloped her. Why did she live while people, more deserving, died?

"You look for the things that make you human." Tommy replied. He looked deep in thought. He had the same brow crease Joel had when he thought about something hard."What makes you human?"

Esther thought for a moment. She pictured Joel and Ellie. When she first met them it was a clean cut deal. Help these two, they'll help you. By the time they made it to Henry and Sam her ideals had already been changing. Ellie changed her. Slung open the door to Esther's closet and fought the skeletons. Ellie reminded her of Genevieve. No holds bar, full on, no matter the consequences. Esther was no longer quiet. She talked to the girl, reassured her in times of fear, and comforted her in times of grief. Joel was the grim reminder of the world they had to face. He had lost so much but he made it through. She thought on her sister and how she lost it when she died.

"My experiences and how I handled them." Esther finally said.

"If you can find one thing that makes you a human being and not a monster, you're still you." Tommy sighed.

"Joel has his love for Sarah." Esther muttered.

"That has turned into his love for Ellie." Tommy eyes moved to hers. "And you."

"That's where you're wrong. He doesn't even like me. He tolerated me." Esther scoffed.

"You both are idiots. You stare at each other longingly and yet when you're near you hurl insults and dirty looks." Tommy laughed. "It was like this with Maria at first."

"You can't fall in love in a matter four months. Especially when you can barely stand each other's presence." Esther shifted uncomfortably.

"Yeah whatever. You are going to be the first person to jump when him and Ellie come back." Tommy smiled mischievously.

"Not because of Joel." Esther stood. "I need to go for a walk."

She left. Tommy was trying to cheer her up and possibly get to know her. Those four months with Joel and Ellie were the best she had since Gin. Even after Joel rejected her in Pittsburg, he still tried to talk to her and have conversations. That made it harder not to fall for him. Those months after Pittsburgh, in the middle of nowhere most of the time, Joel indeed became a human being.

Esther would never admit it, but part of her fell in love Joel. The foxy papa bear. She smiled at the thought. That last kiss. She touched her lips remembering how his beard brushed against her chin. She missed him. She felt empty with him gone. Empty like she was in Pittsburgh.

                  ******

 

"Captain, what do we do?" Seb asked. "This is crazy. Pitt to Boston? What were we thinking?"

"We weren't. We thought of the reward, not the risk." Esther adjusted her assault rifle.

"The fuck were you --" Olivia swore at Esther.

"Don't start. Just don't." Esther growled. "The military wasn't going to get these supplies and we needed the rations"

"I warned you. I warned you that this was above us. That we wouldn't make it. Too far Cap, too fucking far. But no you had to prove. . . I don't know something. Now here we are surrounded, outnumbered and fucking out gunned." Olivia snarled.

"The overuse of a word doesn't prove your anger." Esther calmly replied.

"Fuck you. How did you even get promoted?" Olivia retorted.

"Hauled my ass from Seattle to Boston. I survived." Esther's eyes narrowed.

"Heard about that op. If it were me I would have killed you." Olivia walked away.

"Captain." Seb put his hand on her shoulder.

"We lost people here. She obviously has never dealt with loss. Lashing out is her way of coping." Esther sighed. "It is my fault though. Should have come here. It was a bad choice."

"You don't seem too shaken up by this." Seb pointed out.

"To the point where I have lost too much to care." Esther shrugged his arm off.

"You are heartless aren't you. A machine." Seb seemed shocked.

"You don't know the half of it." Esther heard a noise, her attention drawn to it.

"What--" Seb tried to say, Esther cut him off.

Esther listened again. She heard ragged breathing. Olivia, her, and Seb were the only ones left. The breathing belonged to a hunter. Esther motioned to her soldiers that they were being watched. Olivia was the first to act taking the hunter out. Eight more men appeared from various cover. Esther hit the deck as bullets began to fly. Seb caught two in the chest. Esther dragged his body to cover. Esther started shooting over her cover. She took a few out, but more replaced. Esther heard Olivia scream. Seb's breathing began to labor. Esther peeked over her cover. Olivia was downed, blood pooling from her body. Esther pulled the trigger and heard the tall tell click.

"Click, click motherfucker." A hunter sounded off.

                 ******

"How are you handling things?" Maria stepped in beside her.

"Not the first time I have been left with a bunch of strangers. I hoping it's the last though." Esther leaned on the railing.

"Tommy was just trying to make conversation." Maria leaned with her. "How's that arm?"

"Healing well. Well enough. Probably will be sore for a long time." Esther shrugged.

"Think they'll make it back?" Maria asked.

"They have to." Esther sighed.

"Esther. You don't have to hide anymore. This distance, it only hurts you." Maria placed her hand on Esther's. "Whether you acknowledge it or not, Tommy and I, we care about you. I see what you do. Lock yourself up in that room and work. Not talking to anyone outside of it. You eat alone. You work alone. You isolate yourself. Why?"

"It's what I've always done. I don't know anything else. I did it with Joel and Ellie to. Or tried to anyways. Maria it's nothing against you or Tommy. It's just how I function." Esther explained.

"It's a shitty way to function." Maria took a step back.

"I know." Esther hung her head. I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are much appreciated. I love feedback, whether it be good or bad. Tell me how I'm doing, tell me what you think I should change. Ask me questions. I'm always open for discussion


	13. Super Special Chapter Number 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Joel chapter? Inner workings and opening up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha I told you there would more and with good reason. The next four chapters will only be with Esther and we all know you guys started reading for Joel ;)

"Fuuuuuuuucccccckkkkk!!!!" Joel heard a shrill scream from behind him. At first he thought it to be Ellie but when he turned he saw a blob of a person at his feet. She groaned softly and froze.

"Esther!" Ellie shouted and he realized who was at his feet. She looked at up at him wide green eyes reflected the obvious relief she felt. She fell onto her back and sighed.

That woman. He grabbed her by her collar and hulled her to where to was face level.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't shoot you now," Joel growled. He was furious. Almost if not more then when Henry left them.

Esther stayed silent. Her expression hardened. She was not intimidated. She was strong and he knew she was on par with him.

"Joel, it doesn't matter now man." Henry moved towards them. "She probably had it rough too."

This didn't calm the anger, the fire, that burned for her. They could have used her. All that shit that happened in the sewers would have gone a lot smoother if she hadn't left.

"Put me down," she calmly ordered.

"We could have used you." Joel gritted his teeth.

"You did fine without me. Put me down." She stared at him defiantly. Her fingers wrapped around his wrist. He was surprised at the contact. Softer than he expected. He let go.

She automatically turned and inspected her damaged stuff. He brushed his wrist where she touched. Damn that woman.

"Glad you're with us again soldier." Henry's voice brought Joel out of thought.

"So. . ." Ellie fidgeted.

"God must really want me to stay. I trekked the entire top half of this neighborhood. I mean what are the odds." Esther rubbed the back of her neck. It was a habit Joel noticed she had. When she was nervous? No, when she was uncomfortable.

"We good?" Ellie asked.

"We good." Esther messed Ellie's hair a little. Joel smiled a little. Esther was good for Ellie. A little humanity never hurt.

"Hey look at that. What I tell you? Huh." Henry pointed to and old military tower in the distance.

"Let's find a way around to it." Joel fell in beside Ellie. "How are you holding up?"

"Business as usual, right? When I was with Henry I took out a couple of infected by myself. You'd be proud." Ellie leaned into him almost. Proud, yeah. That was the word. He worried about Ellie. She was a little girl in a not so nice world. She was learning though. Learning: he could be proud of that.

"I guess I just can't quit you," Esther tried to smile at him. Joel was still frustrated at her. It was a feeble attempt at reconciliation. His face fell into a grimace.

That woman. Silent and stoic, she barely left that mode. Strong, self assured, even when injured she soldiered on as if she was not. Cold and distant to him, but to Ellie; she made sure stayed safe.

Unlike him it seemed Esther had an off switch. One moment she could be a cold ruthless killer and the next she was offering life advice to a scared teenage girl. He noticed Esther hardly spoke, but when she did, she had something important to say. He could admire that.

He entered a house and started to search for supplies. It became so routine he didn't have to think about it.

His thoughts though drifted to Tess. An old wound. How would she react to Esther? Tess was loud, she took charge. She was reckless and daring. She demanded respect through words and action. Her emotions balanced only with her ruthlessness. She was a right now type of woman.

"Now I just boss him around. . . Isn't that right Joel?" Ellie's voice drifted down to him.

He grunted. Ellie could never actually tell him what to do.

How would Tess handle Esther? His thoughts continued. Esther, a quiet leader who demanded respect with her presence not words. One who planned everything before executing it. One who could wait for results with patience and understanding. One who stayed calm in situations, anger flaring only in the most dire of circumstances.

"Will shoot on sight." Sam read aloud as they approached a corner building."Lots of friendly people lived here."

"First few months after the outbreak, they had a lot of lootin'. Everyone got paranoid," Henry explained. "You remember any of that, Joel?"

"Everyone barricaded themselves in their homes, supplies started running low. That's when you saw what people were really capable of." Joel remembered. Just like when quarantine got low on food, people forgot their humanity. He turned away and found another message. He stepped through the broken walk and searched the pink rooms cabinets.

"I was just five when the cordyceps hit. My memory's pretty hazy, but I remember living in a neighborhood just like this." Henry piped up.

"What do you remember?" Ellie asked.

"Uh . . . Barbecues. Parents would throw these big crazy barbecues and invite a ton of people. You know I remember the smell more than anything. Weird." Henry explained.

Ellie then looked to Esther. Esther seemed confused. Once again she rubbed the back of her neck.

"Umm. I was sixteen. A little older I guess. I lived a metropolitan area. I remember school and the useless classes I would take. I was a bad kid. Used to paint buildings. I remember this giant ally near Union Station in Seattle. We called Graffiti Ally and there we were allowed to paint whatever we wanted. The only time I felt like myself was there I guess." Esther smiled. A small gesture reflecting on lost memories. It made her seem younger. It broke the persona she made for herself. A bad kid. A graffiti artist. Unexpected. He wondered were she would have been at if the outbreak didn't happen. He could imagine her hanging on some scaffolding, face mask splattered with paint. Joel liked the thought, he wished that things didn't turn out the way they had. Esther might have led a more happy life. They would have.

"Wow, would have never pegged you as an artsy person." Henry raised an eyebrow.

"We were all different people before the outbreak. Just some more than others." Esther shrugged.

Her words hit home. She was right. Those who were alive were very different people. Esther would have been an artist, owning her own studio. Joel he would. . . He didn't finish the thought.

"Look doggies." Ellie pointed ahead of them. Joel's noticed the two feral dogs in front of them farther down the rode.

"You're going to want to stay away from those. It's not like it is in the zone. These are wild." He warned.

"What is this?" Ellie's voice asked from behind them.

"Oh, this is an ice cream truck." Sam answered.

"An ice cream truck?" Ellie sounded confused. Joel's attention was drawn to the broken down vehicle. It even still had some of it's stickers, bright colors peeked through the moss.

"Yeah, Henry told me about these. They'd sell ice cream out of a truck." Sam said earnestly.

"What? No way. Joel?" Ellie asked skeptically.

"It's true. This thing would drive around and play real loud, creepy music and kids would come running out to buy ice cream." Joel explained. One way to put it for sure.

"You're totally fucking with me," Ellie accused.

"Ummhmm . . . Serious." He offered a small smile. He noticed a slight blush on Esther's face. He stopped smiling.

"Man you lived in a strange time." Ellie commented.

"Told you so." Sam smugness could be sensed miles away.

"Arrgh. Is anyone else hungry?" Ellie grabbed her stomach.

"Yes," Sam agreed.

"Hey guys -- we break when we get to the radio tower." Henry interjected.

"Alright," Sam moaned.

Joel shrugged at the children then directed his steps toward an open garage with a work bench. He heard footsteps behind him.

"I uh lost my pistol to the fall, and I think my revolver got damaged. Could you help me out?" Esther fidgeted with her waist holster.

"Yeah." He motioned for her to hand him the gun. She did he saw her fingers shake slightly.

"I'm sorry." Esther apologized. What did she have to apologize for? Leaving?

"For what?" Joel cleaned the barrel, and started on the chambers of the cylinder.

"You seemed angry with me. There must be something I had done." Esther leaned in. Closed the space. Joel noticed her presence and his palms began to sweat.

"You just left. Henry didn't mention it and Ellie did everything in her power to ignore the empty space you left." Joel rubbed the back of his neck. Damn he was picking up her bad habit. "Ellie needs you I guess is all I'm saying." He left the rest of his train of thought unspoken, even to himself.

"Then I'm sorry." Esther took a step back. Joel began to breath normally again.

"Don't be. I . . . Understand" Joel picked up the gun and finished his work. He knew why she left. Attachment, the same that was starting to form now. He handed her gun back to her and her fingers lightly brushed his. She visibly jumped and quickly made space between them. Did she? No impossible. Esther seemed to be acting strange. Or was he just noticing her stolen glances? Or imagining them. They had only known each other for what? Twenty-fours hours tops? Esther didn't seem interested in anything but surviving. She left them so she wouldn't form attachments. Why would she try now?

Joel entered the front room and found Esther an Henry standing by the front door. The kids noticed a dart board in the corner and began searching for the darts to go with it.

"Darts." Sam held five darts in his hand. Joel stood by Esther and watched the kids. This would have to be good.

"Right." Ellie made for the board.

"Hey . . . Sam, be careful." Henry lightly warned.

"Yeah . . . Okay, I'll go first." Sam threw the first dart. It landed on three. Bad throw.

"Damn it." "Oh." Ellie seemed to have a realization. "Okay your turn." Sam handed her a dart.

"Okay, just throw it?" Ellie got into ready position. "Yeah." Sam replied. Ellie threw it and it landed on a double nine.

"Boosh, I am a natural." She gloated.

"Luck," Sam argued.

"No it wasn't."

"That was luck."

Joel stared at the normality. Kids being kids. How long has it been since kids were even allowed to be kids? Joel glanced at Esther. Her thoughts must be with his, considering the melancholy look on her face.

Joel walked up after the kids were done and threw a dart, it completely missed the board. He inwardly scowled. He used to be so good at that game. Esther sauntered up beside him, took a dart from the board, stepped back, and hit the bullseye. "May not count in the actual game, but I always enjoy going first." She teased. Then her face froze.

"It's always the same for you military folks," Joel replied. He got her double entendra, but chose to ignore it, for her sake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boosh, I'm off to the wild yonder. Scared at what you guys might think of Esther and other people but equally excited. Kudos comments. I love feedback. It gives me strength to write on.


	14. I'll Cover You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A raid on the plant goes terribly wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing big, back to Esther

Snow began to flurry outside as winter crept into Esther's bones. Tommy, Maria, and her worked to get the second turbine working before the snow started to fall. Esther counted it as a failure, the snow was here and they still had yet to even start it. It wasn't for the lack of knowledge, but the lack of raw materials such as metal coils. With the bandits camped out in various places in the mountains it was too dangerous to venture too far out.

Esther stared at the map of the area in the control room, pondering the possible locations. She crossed her arms. The terrain marked on the map offered no clues on where these hunters could hide out.

The raid siren broke her concentration and she belined for her locker. She grabbed her rifle, revolver, and the saw off Joel acquired for her in Kansas. Now that she thought on it, it was the only gift he had ever given her, apart from her old worn out bow; which reminded her that she needed to restring it.

Esther heard a pop and the room filled with smoke. She pulled her scarf over her mouth and nose, she always hated the smell of burnt sugar. She flipped her desk and crouched behind it. Unlike other people who ran at the sight of a smoke bomb Esther learned how to use it to her advantage to pick off her pursuers when she still had its cover.

"See anything?" A hunter a few feet from her spoke up.

"Nothing, man," another replied. Esther followed the sound of the first's voice and stalked up behind him. With one swift movement she landed on his back and broke his neck. She helped the body to the ground silently and waited for his partner to speak up again.

"James I'm moving on, there ain't nobody here." The voice echoed. He was by the workbench. Esther made her way through the smoke.

"James?" The hunter moved toward her. Esther flattened herself against the wall and waited for him to pass. As he did she grabbed him from behind and stabbed her knife into his throat.

Esther noticed the smoke starting to clear and headed to the bridge knowing her cover would disappear.

"Hey there she goes!" She heard another hunter behind her. She felt a bullet graze her cheek. She ducked behind stacked crates in the middle of the bridge. Damn she almost had made it. She jerked her scarf down and lifted her head to see her competition. She saw seven men walking cautiously toward her. They knew where she was and she had to stop them from getting too close. She drew her rifle and peered through her scope keeping her head safe behind the sights. She held her breath and pulled the trigger twice taking two men on the left out. They started shooting in her direction blindly she ducked into cover, checked bullets, and popped up to fire again. She caught the one closing in on her on the chest, he fell back over the railing.

Esther heard a shout beside as hunter tried to grab her. She countered by snatching his arm and bringing it behind him. She then pulled him close to her body to use as a shield and drew her revolver.

"Hey lady can't we work this out?" The man tried to negotiate.

"There more of you huh?" She growled aiming at his friends.

"Naw, just us." The man replied.

"I don't believe you." Esther shot two men before the third shot her hostage.

"You bitch!" A hunter charged her, she caught the full assault as he tackled her to the ground. He wrapped his fingers around her neck. She drew the saw off from her thigh holster and set it to the man's head. Blood splattered her face and chest, she kicked the dead man off.

His partner tried to aim but she tripped him with her legs. He moved to crawl away when she crawled onto him and cracked his head with the butt of her gun. She put a bullet in his brain just to be sure he was dead.

Esther entered the bunkhouse and searched for the spare walkie talkie in the cabinet near the bridge door, when she found it she tuned into to Maria's talkie.

"Maria come in? Maria?" Esther called. When no answer came she switched to Tommy's frequency.

"Tommy, come in. I'm in the bunkhouse and in need of your position." Esther spoke quietly, in case she might give there position away.

"We're in the next room. Fourteen and counting in the courtyard. I'll unlock the door and let you in." Tommy whispered.

She heard the click of the lock. She crept over being sure not be seen. Tommy greeted her at the door and let her to the rest of the crew.

Veronica, no older than twenty, sat in the corner of the small office, softly praying into her knees. Her black hair obscured her face, but Esther was sure she was crying. It was the first time she volunteered at the plant. First day. Poor girl, Esther thought. It was tough being an adult.

Alexander looked sick and tired of this shit. He was a veteran of raids. He had survived a lot. He stayed crouched by office door with gun drawn.

Dylan stood in the corner staring up at the ceiling. He was trying not to focus too much on the situation it seemed.

Matt sat with Maria at one of the tables, head in hands. Kira patted her brother's back, trying to reassure him that they were going to make it.

"So they know you're in here." Esther nodded towards the group.

"Yeah. The fuckers are toying with us. They sent a scout group to the control room. We heard gunshots. They did too. Probably think their guys won. They haven't moved towards the commotion you caused in the bridge. When their guys don't come back . . ." Tommy trailed off.

"Yeah they're not coming back so we have to prepare for the inevitable retaliation," Esther explained.

"How many bullets do we have?"

"Store room is in the small office. We are full up. Well those who can still hold a gun. Veronica killed her first person today. Been like that ever since." Tommy pointed to the office.

Esther passed and nodded at Alex the refilled her revolver and packed an extra pouch of ammo in the holster. Filled the saw off and realized she left her rifle on the bridge. She rubbed her temples, if she wasn't so focused on Tommy she would have remembered it.

Esther glanced down at Veronica. The Spanish girl started to shake under her gaze.

"You all right kid?" Esther squatted next to the girl.

"I . . . I don't really know." A mumbled reply came.

"I threw up in my first." Esther sat next to her. "Unloaded right there, but I got up and ran. I survived."

Silence.

"It gets easier. Now I want you to stand up and pull yourself together. There are people in the other room that will count on you to see them through this." Esther stood and offered a hand.

Veronica shrank back.

"Get the fuck up soldier." Esther yanked the girl up by her arm. "This is no time to be a coward."

"I'm afraid." Veronica mumbled. "We're going to die."

"No we are not. We are going to get out of this." Esther snapped.

"But--" Veronica started.

"No. No buts, no excuses, no explanations on why not. We are going to survive this." Esther cut her off and left the girl to stand on her own.

"A speech? Since when are you a hero?" Tommy asked her as she walked up to him.

"I'm going to make this clear now. I'm not a hero. I'm not the good guy. I'm a survivor." Esther furrowed her eyebrow. "Nobody's a hero here."

"What now?" Maria joined her and Tommy.

"We fight of course. It's better than waiting here for them to corner us." Esther explained.

"There are fourteen plus of them, and --" Maria counted. "Eight of us."

"I killed ten men on my own." Esther crossed her arms.

"I have faith we can do this." Tommy's eyes pleaded with his wife.

"There are kids. Fresh out of their teens. They don't know how to--" Maria stopped. She glanced at the still standing Veronica. "It's the death of innocence."

"It's life." Esther sighed.

Esther heard glass break and ducked. The hunters were tired of playing with them. Fire erupted on the back wall. They were being smoked out.

"Tommy! I want everyone to retreat towards the bridge." Esther shouted as she kicked down the door to the bunkhouse. Bullets flew in her direction. She ducked into cover and began to shoot back. "Go! I'll cover you!"

Tommy nodded and led the group behind her firing off a few shots to help Esther thin the crowd. One, two, three, four, five, six, reload. One, two, three, four, five, six, reload. Esther followed this pattern until only four remained and she was out of revolver bullets.

These guys were better than the others ones. They seemed to be trained.

Esther beat a hasty retreat to the bridge where she could bottleneck the rest or at least have back up. Esther saw more hunters join the remaining four as she turned to the top catwalk leading into the control room. She heard bullets ricochet off the wall and railings near here.

"Brought a party! Back up would be nice!" She shouted, her voice echoed in the turbine room. She saw the group peek out from their various covers, even Veronica's head popped up.

Esther blindly shot behind her offering what little cover she could bring out in the open like that. First two caught buckshot, but not enough to kill. Just made them angry really. Esther rolled into cover behind some crates but the railing snapped causing her to plummet to the ground below. Her back hit the ground and she groaned, barely being able to breath. Her vision blurred, the fall jumbled her brain. She felt a hand on her wrist and the pressure of pulling but she heard the sick noise of a bullet meeting its mark caused an abrupt immediate stop.

Esther knew she had to move, she struggled to a crouch and dove for cover. When she glanced at the spot she was just at her stomach dropped at the sight of long black hair.

Shots continued to fire, Esther knew if she didn't get close enough with her gun she would be useless. She cursed, she didn't like feeling useless, helpless, trapped. Yet there she was looking at a girl she told to be brave, at it cost her her life. It was her fault that Veronica died. That body laying should have been her.

She charged up the stairs to the nearest cover. She noticed that Tommy, Maria, and Alexander were the only ones left standing. So much fucking death today, she thought. Fury welled in her chest. Barely adults, still children even and they were dead. They had so much ahead of them and they died, now nothing is for them except a six foot deep hole in the ground and that made her angry, in turn dangerous. She stalked from cover to cover while her adversaries were focused on the main group. She came up behind the hunters and shot. He rage blinded her, caused their deaths to blur together.

One tried to get away back to the bridge but she threw the control chair and caught him in the legs. When he fell his head slammed against her fallen table, knocking him out cold. Esther was about to kill him when Tommy stayed her hand.

"Hey, hey." Tommy brought her back from the abyssal anger that shook her. "He could help us."

"You're right. Lock him up in the utility room and wait for me. Also grab some wire and rope." Esther grounded her teeth.

"Okay." Tommy nodded his head, eyes widened. He turned and motioned for Dylan and Alexander to move the body. Maria sighed and went back down stairs.

Esther stood for a moment hand clenched into fists, nails digging into her palms, she felt blood seep into her finger nails. She needed to calm down. Push down the anger and sadness, the grief she was feeling. For this next part she had to be collected or they would never get anything out of the man, because she would kill him.

Esther couldn't hold it in. She screamed and threw things. She kicked the table across the room snarling. Cleared the control panel of the blueprints paper flying.

"Why does everything I touch turn to shit?" She screamed to no one in particular. "Everyone I care about is gone! Joel! Ellie! Gin! Who the fuck is next? Why am I still alive? I don't deserve it!" She continued to scream profanities at the universe until her voice was raw and the sun started to set. Her eyes red from crying she turned her attention to the utility room. She was going to end this. No one else was going to die for her here. She will cut off the head of the snake.

"You all right?" Tommy asked uncrossing his arms at the door. Esther opened it and saw the hunter fully awake struggling at his wire bonds. She motioned Tommy in.

"You know what makes me human. Now see what makes me a monster."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We finally see the side of Esther she tries to hide. To forget. What makes her a monster, or so she thinks. Comments, kudos. You know the drill


	15. Super Special Chapter Number Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joel

Joel watched Esther walk out the front door. Henry noticed his lingering gaze.

"Are you sure there's nothing going on between you? 'Cause that is a lot of tension." Henry commented.

"Just met her right before you, hell, in the same day. So no." Joel replied.

"You can not tell me you haven't noticed that she looks like . . . I've got no words man: A fucking angel, and she stares at you like you are the only person in this world that matters." Henry adjusted his elbows. "At least talk to her. Have a moment. This is the end of the world. Live a little."

"I-- no it's inappropriate. I mean hell I'm old enough to be..."

"Dude, she's thirty-six."

"Fine." Joel stood and shook his head and followed. He opened the door and his breath caught in his throat. The moon made her glow. Her hair offered a stark contrast to her skin and the black she wore seemed a deeper color than in the day.

"Hey." Joel bit his lip.

"Hey." She turned and waved him over. Her eyes seemed a brighter color and her smile. Like Henry said, there was just no words.

"How is your head?" Joel leaned on the rail beside her. His arm brushed hers, she saw he ears flush.

"My head feels fine." Esther replied and looked back across the field.

"You were a bit rough before. That's all." Joel shifted to his right elbow. He just couldn't look away. It bothered him. He just lost Tess. Esther could very easily be the next one to die. Like her, he had noticed, he was wary of attachments.

"These things fade." Esther reassured him. "I've been through worse."

"I know. You seem tough." He noted. She was what the world made her, made him.

"That's the world we live in. You have to be tough." Esther paused then added. "Not too tough though."

"You know I've been thinking: what if you came to Wyoming with us?" He offered. He dared to hope for the moment. "I know I extended the invitation to Henry and Sam, but not officially to you."

"Yeah. After all we went through together that turned into the plan a while ago for me." Esther straightened. He noticed she angled herself slightly towards him.

"Good. I think Ellie would like that. It would be good for her you know." Joel nodded to himself. He would never admit he too would enjoy her company.

"My decision is not just because of Ellie." Esther breathed.

"What?" He blinked. Her eyes met his and it was as if she was asking for something. Those stolen glances, weren't imagined and it scared him.

"It's not just Ellie," she raised her voice slightly.

"Two days, it's been two days. I don't think--" Joel tried to divert the train, this accident that was to happen.

"Two days and we have saved each other's life multiple times." Esther countered and eliminated the space between them.

"Esther," His voice lowered. Her name felt like honey on his lips. It was getting harder to argue.

"Let me have my moment. This perfect peaceful moment." Esther touched his face.

He held his breath, he wanted to press his face into the palm of hand, wanted to hold it and kiss her fingers, wanted to act on these emotions he tried to bury a long time ago.

Fuck it, he thought and leaned in and nodded. She stretched and pressed he lips to his. At first he felt the shock of what was happening, her lips surprisedly soft and she held his face as if he was breakable, it had been a long time since he was treated that way; important. He took a moment to touch her, to feel her soft curves. He deepened the kiss, he felt so much for her. He wanted to drown in her smell, her taste. He felt her fingers in his hair and it prompted him to press her harder to him. He never wanted to let her go when he had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet. You guys know you wanted it lol.  
> Might be a little dodgy with updates. Don't worry I will finish but I'm moving so incredibly busy person. Comments, kudos. I live feedback


	16. Monsters

Tommy took up residence in the corner by the door. He crossed his arms. He was trying to look intimidating, but to Esther he seemed very uncomfortable, and she didn't blame him. Esther braced herself for the deeds she was about to do. It had been months since she was in that place. That darkness that meant survival. She tied the man to the chair with rope and wire. The wire would cut into his wrists and ankles if he struggled to much. The military used this technique to make sure the prisoners wouldn't get to rambunctious. She also tied a piece a rope to the front of his chair. She would resort to dropping him out through the hole in the wall leading down to the ravine. Her survival knife didn't need an explanation, the bucket of water neither.

Esther pulled a chair up in front of the prisoner and sat. She slapped him a few times in the face to wake him up.

"Hey big guy," slap. "How you holding up?" She purposely mocked him to annunciate her position of power.

"Fuck you." The prisoner managed to choke out.

Esther rebutted with a hard left to his face. The chair scooted a little and the man's head lolled back.

"Now that's no way to talk to the people taking care of you know is it?" Esther cocked her head. "You see. You came here, killed our people, and we chose to let you live. Do you know why?" The prisoner spit blood in her direction. She dodged and it splatter on the floor. "Information. That's all we need and we will continue to let you live." She told him still keeping her mockery alive.

"I tell, I'm dead. So do your worst, you bitch. There ain't nothing you can do to me that I already haven't been through." The prisoner growled.

"That is where you are wrong. I have training in these things. See unlike the people here I come from a quarantine zone. I owned that zone, I was military. By the end you'll wish you were dead, you'll wonder why you are still alive, couscous. I swear to you that you will tell me what I want to know. Your decision is whether you do it now before anymore harm comes to you, or later." Esther explained.

"You like to hear your own voice huh?" The man eyed her. False confidence poured off him. No real confidence could. Not in the state he was already in.

"First question. Real easy. What is your name?" Esther asked.

"Fred." The man joked out of spite. 

"Okay Fredrick, now here are the real ones. Where is your base of operations? Who runs it? And where are they located if not at base?" Esther scooted forward.

"Located at fuck off lane, John, I think, oh and the Mushroom Kingdom." 'Fredrick' sneered.

"Those are the wrongs answers!" Esther tightened the wire. She watched the man grimace as the wire broke skin on his ankles. "Try again!"

"Like I said you whore, fuck off." Fredrick grunted.

"Oh no, those are two strikes against ya! Third one you're out!" Esther started twisting the wires on his wrists. He yelped.

"Come on guy, you're boring us, what's your answer?" Esther raised her eyebrows.

"Fuck off," he gritted down. "All right then." Esther took a more serious tone.

"See the third strike ain't so pretty." She took out her knife and slammed it into Fredrick's forearm. She heard the crack when the blade broke the bone. He howled in pain. Tommy shifted in the back.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" He screamed.

"Hey, hey. Pay attention to here," Esther snapped her fingers at his face. His eyes followed.

"Base, leader, safe room."

"Fuck you!" Fredrick snarled. Esther twisted the knife. He screamed more.

"Base, leader, safe room." Esther repeated. More screams no coherent words. She withdrew the knife.

"Base, leader, safe room." It was turning into a chant.

"No, man I won't do it, you can't break me." Fredrick panted.

Esther stood and picked up an old pipe from the cabinet. She tested its durability and proceeded to smash Fred's shins and knees.

"Holy hell!" Fred cried and slumped forward in his chair, passed out.

"Tommy, the water." Esther ordered. He handed her a bucket of steaming water, good, warm water would burn. She threw it on Fred. He awoke with a start gasping.

"See, this is what is in store for you if you don't answer my questions." Esther sat back down. "Base, leader, safe room. It's fucking easy."

This carried on for hours and into the night. Tommy didn't move from his spot save to fetch water when she needed to revive Fred. Finally it was Esther that had enough. She had enough of Fred's blood on her to start a blood drive. She no longer gave a shit about information, she just wanted it to be over. Her muscles ached from the day and it was starting to get to cold in that room to function. She stood and threw her chair backwards. Tommy caught it and set it down. Esther then knocked Fred's chair near the edge.

"You think death scares me?" Fred mumbled. He could barely move his mouth with the broken jaw Esther gave to him. He sounded as if he was on the last lap. He was just about to break.

"No." Esther kicked the chair over the edge and hooked the end carabiner to a mount on the wall. Fred screamed and kept screaming until she poked her head out of the hole. It was pitch black outside save for the energy coming from the turbines.

"Base! Leader! Safe room!" She shouted down to him.

"Fuck--" Before he could finish she jerked at the rope causing him to slam against the rocks.

"Base! Leader! Safe room! Or I'll leave you hanging." She slammed him again. "Wonder what will happen first, hypothermia? Or your heading popping off!" She called.

Twenty minutes passed by until finally Fred stopped struggling.

"I'll talk." Came his froggy voice. Esther and Tommy pulled him up.

"The base is located in the upper mountain region south of here,"Fred started.

"Mark it on the map." Esther handed him a marker and held up the map. He marked it.

"Wasn't kidding about our leader's name though, it is John, and there is no plan b. That is our base of operations and barracks. Yeah we have the little camps, but that's all they are. We're nomads mostly."

Fred spilled it all, utterly broken and as tired as Esther was. Esther and Tommy were about to leave the room when Fred found the energy to speak again.

"You are all gonna die. Then we'll take this place, and we'll do what we did to Sterling to Jackson and you won't even be there to watch." Fred gave a choked laugh and was silenced by a bullet.

Esther turned to see Tommy gripping his revolver so tight his knuckles whitened. He breathed hard and his eyes, were as dead as the man he just shot.

"Tommy." Esther touched his shoulder. 

"Watching you was watching my brother work." Tommy gritted his teeth.

"Tommy."

"You're not the only one who was a monster."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry these are so short, in the middle of moving. Tis very stressful. Trying to hammer these out and things. Good news though, Esther only has a winter chapter, a spring chapter, and two endgame chapters left! Yay!!!


	17. In Death, Sacrifice

Winter

"Esther no." Maria jogged to catch up with the angry soldier.

"This is the best opportunity. If we don't take it now, we'll regret it." Esther shook her head, stopping.

"You keep forgetting one thing. We are civilians mostly. Not trained killers like yourself." Maria spat.

"Well then, I see where you stand on me now." Esther said curtly.

"It's not like that. It's just . . . How many people are we going to lose?" Maria made eye contact with Esther. The leader in both women butted heads.

"It will be worth it for the future." Esther replied.

"Not fucking worth it. These men and women have families." Maria snapped.

"I asked for volunteers, I didn't force these men and women to take up arms and fight." Esther argued.

"No, but you have a way with words. A way to wrap people around your finger. Surprised that Joel actually--"

"Stop. Don't bring a dead man into this." Esther warned.

"You killed Veronica. Don't forget that as you kill all these people. You don't need to sacrifice more to make up for your past mistakes, for your past fuck ups." Maria stormed off.

Esther took the Joel blow, but Veronica did not need to be brought up. Esther felt guilty, she tried to forget. Her words killed a nineteen year old girl.

"Fuck you Maria!" Esther shouted after her.

Esther stood there in her silence, with only the wind and the snow swirling around her. She had to do this. She needed to prevent more death. She knew that if she command this raid against the main camp, her people would lose control of the situation. She knew hunters, hell, for a awhile, she was one. They would not stop until the Jackson colony was eradicated.

"Esther?" Tommy touched her shoulder. "Time to move out. The storm is only getting worse."

"Yeah," Esther tightened her grip on her gear and followed Tommy.

"Maria . . . She just . . . She doesn't want to lose me." Tommy explained as they walked down to the horses.

"I understand. I promise. She's not going to lose you. We already lost one Miller, we're are not going to lose another one." Esther slung her leg over climbing onto Farcut.

"You have no hope for Joel and Ellie?" Tommy asked climbing in to his horse.

"Joel and Ellie aren't coming back. They took a three week journey and it's been four months." Esther sighed. "Even if they found what they were looking for, best case scenario, they would have been back as soon as the Fireflies were done with Ellie."

"They're coming back."

Tommy sat up straight and greeted the rest of the raid group. He barked out instructions and they were off. To cut off the head of the snake.

The group got to the camp in the early morning. The place was huge. Esther motioned to leave their horses. She used binoculars to scout the entrance. She started to shake head as she noticed more and more people moving around as the camp started to wake. The bandits had dug in good. They had set up wooden barriers to mark the entrance and perimeter, with guards patrolling. The main building sat in the middle and was situated near a cliff. Well there was no going around, Esther thought. Esther thought it odd though, only one building for the main HQ? It had to a trap.

"Might be a trap," Tommy snuck beside her.

"Or coincidence." Esther tried to stay positive. "The universe is hardly that nice to us." Tommy joked.

"Well now what?" Esther rubbed her forehead.

"We have enough people, just not enough trained people. Esther this is your call, what do you want to?" Tommy raised and eyebrow.

"I say create a distraction while I bury their leader." Esther nodded. It was all or nothing.

Tommy set up the thirteen sniper nests on the ridge. Esther made the twelve on ground team ready. Game them extra ammo packs and wraps.

"Guys, this is it." Esther started.

"There's no turning back now." Tommy added.

"We've talked about this before and we can make it, survive." Esther reassured. "Let's go."

Esther led the forward group (seven) to the wall. She listened for the patrol to pass by and motioned to enter. Each person found adequate cover, before Tommy led the secondary group to the wall. Patrol passed. Forward group moved up, secondary group took place. Esther mirrored the signal to start firing to the sniper's nests.

Esther watched as thirteen men dropped in one loud boom. The remaining men took aim at were the noise came from. Esther's forward and Tommy's group dropped them in a matter if minutes. Eight lost on their side. Secondary group moved to the main building and waited. Forward group joined.

Esther and Tommy opened the double doors together to be greeted by gunfire from inside. Forward and secondary moved in and scrambled to cover. Esther knew the sniper group broke down their nests and were on their way to play at backup. They had to last until then. Esther peeked over her barrier and gasped at the number of men and women who stood in her way to the leader John. They were outnumbered for sure, even with sniper group inbound.

"You know at first, I thought it was a joke. Really. But you killed about forty of my guys to ring my doorbell. What do you want?" Esther heard a voice still the gun fire. Esther lifted her head to see. This light haired man must be John.

"Nothing much. Your people keep trying to take my area. Frankly I'm sick of it." Stall, Esther, stall.

"Oh, that power plant. It would be useful." John sounded cocky.

"Why not join us? We have food, supplies. Community." Esther asked. She reloaded her hunting pistol.

"Not a team player. I have to admit, since the beginning of fall these 'people' have been repelling our attacks better. Does it have to do with the soldier I'm talking to?" John's steps sounded as if they were getting closer.

"Maybe? I don't know any soldiers there." Tommy answered for her.

Esther heard the sniper group take places against the outer wall of the cabin. She nodded at Tommy. Forward group and Secondary group agreed. They had the back up they needed. Esther tagged four men in her line of sight and set herself for her shots. Tommy also set up shots.

Fuck it. Esther popped up took out her men. Tommy mirrored. Sniper group entered the building and chaos ensued. The one thing Esther caught was Tommy chasing after John. Esther dodge bullets on her way to the back where she saw Tommy go out the door. Esther dropped into a crouch when she heard voices talking.

"Give up," she heard Tommy. "I'm a better shot."

"You don't know that." John scoffed. "You have no idea what I have been through, where I came from."

"Doesn't matter. You don't know me either." Tommy growled.

A gun shot, Tommy groaning in pain. Esther busted into the room and saw Tommy hunched over with John's pistol to his head. Esther made her decision. she tackled John through the window and they landed in the back balcony.

"Fuck." Esther moaned as glass dug into her back. She felt herself get lifted off the ground. She stared John in the face. He was furious.

"Finally the soldier." He snarled and slammed her into the railing and leaned over her. "You fuck up the best laid plans, you know that?"

Esther stayed silent and latched on to him and threw herself back off the balcony and into the ravine below.

Esther hit and rolled off rocks and finally stopped at the bottom. She opened her eyes and saw that she had succeeded. John was twisted and so very dead. The pain started to take over. She couldn't breath, she couldn't move all she could do was wait until the blackness took over.

"Esther! Fuck! Esther!" Tommy's faded voice shouted and she felt him take her into his lap.

"Get help!" She heard another voice.

"Don't die, Joel would never forgive me." Tommy mumbled.

Sorry. I am so sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no Esther!!! Well angst. There is not much to say on this chapter except for the fact it won't be the last. Though the next will be in a different characters point of view.  
> Comments, kudos you know the drill. Love that feedback


	18. Asleep

"Do you ever think she will ever wake up?" Maria asked as she entered the room.

"Doc says that's up to her." Tommy lifted his head from his hands. He sat bedside with an comatose Esther.

"Oh, at least we have the medical supplies to keep her alive until she does." Maria shrugged. Tommy could tell the situation was getting to her. It was getting to him too.

"She saved my life. I owe her this." Tommy furrowed his eyebrows.

"No, you don't owe her this because she saved your life," Maria opened the door out of the clinic's room. "You owe her this because she is family. Our family and us Millers look after each other."

Maria closed the door leaving Tommy to his thoughts. He turned back to Esther and just stared in denial, grief. Seeing her absolutely broken and barely hanging on to life, it pulled on him.

Maria's words: Esther is family. Also made him fall into melancholy. His family almost sacrificed her life to keep him safe. Like his brother who sacrificed everything he believed in to keep Tommy safe. He was tired of people getting hurt because he failed. If, no when Esther woke up he would keep her safe. His family. The sister he never had.

How long had Esther been bedridden? Weeks. With feeding tubes jammed down her throat and needles attached to her with fluids keeping her alive.

"You need to wake up. I want to show you we got the second turbine working," Tommy mumbled.

Silence. Strained breathing.

"You would be proud. Alexander really stepped it up to pull it off."

Silence. A machine beeping.

"You know Joel's going to be pissed at you if you're not awake by the time he gets back. Ellie would never want to see you like this. Don't want to break her heart right?"

Nothing. Of course nothing. It had always been nothing.

*******

Maria had to leave that room. Seeing a woman she knew was stronger than her in that condition made her weak. Her fists started to shake.

Damn you Esther. Damn you for caring too much. Maria knew that she was just making sure that Tommy made it home. But what about her? Surely she knew that there were people back here that cared for her. Maria wanted to cry however she knew she had to act strong for the people around her.

Maria and the red head clashed at times but damn, she loved that woman. She respected her. Esther was the woman she couldn't be. Strong, compromising, and knowing that nothing was too far for survival. She was Maria's sister and nobody would or could argue that. She didn't want her last words to her to be about past mistakes.

Maria sighed. If she wasn't awake by the time Joel and Ellie get back she would wake her up by beating the living shit out of her.

 

Nine days later.  
Tommy awoke to a familiar groan and a body shifting by his head. He shot up to see Esther's green eyes blinking and her trying to breath without the life support.

"Holy shit! Doc! Fucking a. Doc! Get in here! She's waking up and it is not going well at all!" He shouted and rushed to the doctor's corner office. He practically dragged Doc in and made him administer the anesthetic.

Esther calmed down and Doc started the routine of removing the tubes for the life support. Tommy exited to the waiting room and brought Maria up on the walkie.

"She's going to be okay, Esther's going to be okay!" He nearly cried.

 

Esther slowly woke. She couldn't breath, her head pounded, and her body felt as if it was on fire. She heard commotion next to her but was in too much pain to see what it was. Then she started to slip, slip into the darkness.  
******

 

Esther opened her eyes. This second awakening was less painful than the first. Everything was too bright. She felt an oxygen hose blow air up her nostrils. It burned against the dryness of her nose. She groaned and sat up slightly. Yep her body still ached, but was more dull than before. She looked around. She was in a medical room.

Everything was white or stainless steel. She was hooked up to a wide array of tubes. She looked towards the door and found Tommy and Maria in a terribly uncomfortable position in two chairs, open mouthed and snoring. Her head tilted towards the window. It was dark outside.

Esther relaxed and laid back down in the bed. She survived an impossible situation: again. She sighed, something in the stars must have wanted her to stay alive; or Tommy she didn't know who to thank yet.

"Esther?" She heard Tommy's comic and she turned.

"Yeah," she tried to say but it came out in a sickly whisper.

Tommy nudged Maria and she abruptly woke. She took a minute to comprehend that Esther had woken up.

"Oh man," Maria mumbled. "What time is it?"

"Unknown, but I know it's either late or early." Tommy replied. "How you feeling?"

"Like shit," Esther croaked. "But hey so does everybody who came back from the dead."

"That's nice to hear I guess." Maria shrugged.

"Esther we want you to rest--" Tommy started.

"I need to get up and move around. I have rested long enough." Esther cut him off.

"I don't know how to tell you this but, your left leg is badly damaged. You won't ever be able to walk correctly on it. To even start you'll have to go through physical therapy." Maria frowned.

"Well," Esther sighed. "When do we get started?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're so close now. I'm excited that we're almost wrapped up with a Soldier's Ballad.  
> Comments, kudos (if ya haven't already), and I'll see you next chapter!


	19. A Day in the Life . . .

Spring The crisp air bit at Esther's ears. She scanned the area searching for any sign of what she hunted. A twig snapped and she slowly turned her head to find a beautiful young buck standing tall down range. She raised her bow, felt the feathers of the arrow as she slid it into place, lifted, pulled back on the string, and exhaled and let the arrow fly. Neck shot. The deer fell. A good clean shot.

Esther hooked the carabiner onto the stake in the tree she resided and used the makeshift pulley system to lower herself down. She hit the ground, more adequately put, her ass hit the ground. She stumbled to her feet and unhooked her cane from her pack and made for her kill.

The cane went where she did. Her recovery wasn't at one hundred percent but it was close. She couldn't bend her left knee at all, but she regained the movement in her abdomen. Like she always had, she adapted to her situation and made the best of it. She improvised when she had to move quickly and climb. She could still fight, just not to the effect she used to be able to. Crouching was a pain, almost impossible, she had to lay her left leg out and manually pick it up when she had to move from cover to cover. Shooting wasn't affected at all. Just getting to the adequate spot to do so.

A few stragglers attacked the plant, but those became few and far between. With those they lost nobody. After the raid of the headquarters the bandits either retreated or surrendered. A few even asked to join them. Of course there was a trial period, but after they proved themselves not a threat, they were allowed to stay.

"Tommy, got one. Will need transport and a few people. This should be good for the next week, including the other two groups deer." Esther spoke through her talkie.

"Roger that, want me or Maria to head over, help you to the trucks?" Tommy offered.

"Naw, I'm good. Just send what I need. I'll get there on my own." Esther shook her head and waited. When she saw the crew with the sled she waved them over. She helped the put the deer on and headed towards the trucks. _When did walking become this hard?_ She thought as she huffed.

She absolutely hated her handicap. She felt less and less like herself as the days with it went on. Gone were the days she thought herself a soldier, on with the days of where walking a mile was a goddamned chore. She felt helpless. She couldn't done half the things she used to be able to. She couldn't even stand for more than ten minutes without her leg hurting. Walking the mile to the trucks had it throbbing. Spring had sprung and she had not. She had hoped for a full recovery but her luck ran out and she was stuck with a body that didn't want to do anything she wanted it to do.

"Esther!" She heard Maria's voice float from in front of her. They must have spotted her from the top of the hill Esther had paused before steeling herself for the climb.

"Be right up!" She called and trudged halfway up before Tommy came skidding down kicking up dirt and dust. Esther shielded her eyes and squinted at him.

"Got anything I can help with?" Tommy offered a hand.

"I'm not broken." Esther snapped. Tommy raised an eyebrow. "Maybe a little broken. But not so that I can't conquer a small mountain hill."

"Come on. Don't push yourself when you don't have to." Tommy propped her up on her shoulder. She had to admit the relief of pressure on her left side was welcome.

"Tommy," she sighed.

"Remember what got you into this mess to begin with?" Tommy lifted and helped her up the hill.

He had a point. Whether Esther wanted to accept it or not. She had pushed herself too hard sometimes. Only when she had to. She reassured herself. _Only when she had to._

 

Back in Jackson people greeted the food trucks with cheers. It was the same thing, once every month they went out hunting and brought back large bounties for the entire city. They would go miles outside their immediate areas to find good hunting grounds making sure not to take to much from one giving area. Their trucks were modified to used a corn based fuel. Esther had to hand it to human ingenuity, they had made a lot of progress to make sure that Jackson would thrive. Esther got out of the truck next to the west gate and was approached by a few of Jackson's civs.

"Estie when is your family coming to join us?" Little Kate, only five years, asked.

"Don't you know? Tommy and Maria are my family." Esther picked her up. "Maybe you are too?"

"Of course!" The little girl squealed.

"How's things Xin? Esther asked the mother.

"Doing well. Heard food stocks are in the green. That is always good news." Xin replied.

"Yeah finally, took long enough." Esther handed Kate to her mom.

"Though I wish that second turbine would stop breaking. Seems every since we got that thing working it's been nothing but trouble."

"Alex was so proud when they got it working," Xin laughed. "Seems he only brought a curse to the plant workers."

"Yeah," Esther chuckled. "I actually need to get home. I'm a bit hungry, and in need of rest. Today has been a long day."

"See ya Estie!" Kate waved goodbye.

"Good evening, please sleep well." Xin nodded.

Esther watched the two leave. She frowned. She wished it had worked out Xin. It would have if Esther wasn't . . . She didn't finish the train of thought. Esther was just so broken and Xin just wasn't able to help. At least they parted as friends.

Her house seemed so empty with just her. Three bedrooms, two baths, a kitchen, dining, and living room was just a little much for her. It was the only house that was left when she broke off from Tommy and Maria.

Esther hobbled up the stairs to her end bedroom. She flopped down on her bed. What a tiring day, she thought as she stared at the Orange reflected across the room from the sun set.

Her stomach rumbled to remind her that she was in fact still human. She stood and grabbed her cane and hobbled down the hall. When she got to the stairs she stumbled and fell down them. The cane when sliding across the hardwood floor as she cursed.

"Useless! Fucking useless!" She growled. "You stupid piece of metal and wood!" She stood. "I don't need you!"

She hobbled to the kitchen and pulled out some eggs, she clicked on the stove top and made scrambled eggs. All the while her left leg screamed at her to stop, to sit down, to relieve the weight she put on it. She glanced back at the cane and flipped it off. She finished cooking and sat down on a stool next to counter. She devoured her food. She had no idea she was so hungry till that first bite.

Esther let out a long exasperated breath. This was her routine. Go out, do something for Tommy/Maria, run into people she wished she didn't mistreat, come home, and flip off her cane for fucking her day. Something needed to happen to change. Maybe one day it would. Maybe she would go home, get something nostalgic. Not likely, but it was a nice dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments kudos meh you know the drill sorry it's so short. Getting settled in a new place.


	20. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Future Days by Pearl Jam

"There is a girl and a man waiting to talk to you at the west gate arrival house." Frank interrupted Esther and Tommy going through the blueprints for the second turbine, what Alex did was a little rough, a quick fix.

Esther's heart stopped. Joel and Ellie were alive. They survived. They came back.

"Joel and Ellie." Tommy nodded as he knew what she was thinking.

"Let's get going." Esther packed up the paperwork and shoved it in the desk by the door. She grabbed her cane and made Tommy help her onto her mare and headed in the direction of Jackson. She needed to see if it was true. If it was truly them. Gone for five months, that was surely a death sentence.

"Surreal huh." Tommy clopped up next to her.

"Yeah." Esther braced herself for Joel's mire. Last time she had spoke with him she had brought up Sarah. She made him face himself and stare into the abyss of his decisions. It probably had pushed him away. Pushed her away.

The house loomed in front of her. The face of her sins. It became hard to breath. With her feet on the ground, she unclipped her cane. As she turned her body froze.

"I told you. You would be the first to jump when they got back." Tommy chuckled not knowing her inner battle with her self.

"Shut up Tommy." Esther raised her head and walked through the door. She noticed Ellie first sitting on the couch. Ellie seemed too quiet. Something had happened and it changed her.

"Hey," Joel said from the corner of the room, his arms crossed uncomfortably.

"Hey," Esther mumbled and leaned on her support. Joel didn't look angry. He looked guilty. What had happened with the Fireflies?

"Been awhile, thought we lost you." Tommy broke the awkward silence.

"Had to go to Utah. Colorado was a bust," Joel grumbled.

"The Fireflies were there," Tommy countered.

"By the time we got there, they we gone. Had to evacuate. There was infected everywhere." Joel explained uncrossing his arms.

Ellie stayed silent. She would normally add a colorful sub-narrative. That had concreted Esther's theory of something going wrong.

"So you found them in Utah. What happened? Will there be a vaccine?" Esther crossed the room, to Joel. She noticed his eyes fell to how she walked.

"No they uhh, they gave up. There was a lot of people like Ellie, none of their experiments worked. They turned us away." Joel lied. Esther knew it. He stared at the ground, looked to the left. Joel had his tells.

"Ahh. Well then. We'll make it. We made it before." Tommy put a hand on his brothers shoulder.

"Yeah," Joel shrugged.

"We don't have any place to put ya but Esther does. She lives in a house for three and there is only her. You can live there temporarily, until we figure it out." Tommy volunteered her. "

Yeah. I can do that. You guys got anything? Besides the clothes on your back?" Esther motioned her old companions to the door.

"No, like I said, we were turned away." Joel exited.

"Turned away." Ellie scoffed.

They made their way to Esther's house, it was situated by the West Gate for easy access to the plant.

"Here we are, home sweet home. It's big for me. It would be nice to share it with someone; if only for awhile." Esther opened the front door. "You can pick a room. My room is on the far end on the second floor. So the other two in the hall are set up as guest rooms."

Ellie headed upstairs and Joel and her made their way to the kitchen.

"Esther I need to talk to you." Joel set his hands in the counter.

"This is temporary, don't worry." Esther opened the cabinet and grabbed a can of pears. "You must be hungry. I also have fresh produce and meat in the fridge. Electricity makes life here feel slightly normal."

"It's about Ellie," Joel sighed.

"I already know. Your explanation, it was a lie. If I can sense the bullshit, she can too." Esther popped open the can and pour the pears into a bowl.

"You see right through me." Joel sat on a stool next to her. "I'll get to the point then. I want to stay here for good."

"You want to live with me." Esther crossed her arms.

Joel was always blunt, but damn, not that blunt. It had been months. How could he? It had been months. She though both of them were dead. She mourned and moved on. She felt anger at him and herself. What happened to keep them away for so long?

"I know this is strange but . . . " Joel trailed off.

"You come back after months. . . Months Joel and you expect everything to be okay? Normal? The same? Joel to be honest with you I'm surprised that you are actually sitting here. I thought you were dead; Ellie too. So excuse me if I'm still taking time to process these last few hours." Esther shook her head and turned away.

"Esther. We went through hell. I went through hell--"

"I went through hell too. " She cut him off. "I will never be able to walk normal again. Don't tell me about hell I have been through my fair share of trials."

"Don't even Esther. Why are you so angry? Huh? I thought you would be happy, relieved at least."

"I'm . . . I am Joel, but you just left. You left me here. I promised myself not to be mad, but I was, for a long time." Esther calmed her voice. "I do care about you. I . . ." The words caught in her throat. I love you. She knew her anger was unwarranted.

"All I'm asking for is a chance." Joel tone also calmed.

"Why not Tommy? He's your brother. It would be better if you. . ."

"He's got someone." Joel cut her off.

"What? I don't?" Esther snapped back. She sighed, she was trying to tame her temper, not make it worse.

"You forget, I know how you are. You prefer to be alone." His voice was close to her ear.

"You know that and you ask anyway." Esther turned. Joel was close enough to touch.

"I do. I ask, because I trust you." Joel made eye contact.

Esther reached and touched his chest. Her's tightened. He was real and this wasn't a dream. She choked back tears. Joel was here and Ellie was upstairs. Her family, they were back.

"One condition. No more lies. You will tell me everything that happened. And Ellie you will eventually have to patch it up. I won't have a divide in my house." She laid down the rules.

"I understand." Joel nodded.

"I picked out my room." Ellie's voice floated from the upstairs. "I'm coming. Joel finish here please. Like I said there is meat and produce in the fridge. The pans are in the bottom cabinet, utensils in the first drawer to the right. You arrived in time for dinner. You get to make it."

Esther grabbed her cane and made her way upstairs. She opened the first door on the right.

"I see you picked the one with the bay window." Esther tried to smile.

"Esther I'm sorry." Ellie sat on the sill.

"You got no reason to apologize." Esther pulled out a chair and sat down. "I made you worry. Paper thin walls. I heard almost everything." Ellie sighed.

"You're back, that's all that matters." Esther replied.

"So what happened? You hobble around with a cane now." Ellie asked.

"I did something stupid. It paid off in the end though." Esther laughed. "Best laid plans and what not."

Ellie stayed quiet.

"Things will be better from here on out. You got me and you got Joel. Ellie you can finally start your life. Living, not surviving." Esther stood. "I promise I will support you in anything you need to do." "Thanks." Ellie finally cracked a small smile.

A Few Weeks Later.

"So you decided that retreat wasn't an option." Joel raised an eyebrow at Esther's reiteration of the ambush that cost her her walking ability.

"I had the guy Joel. There was no way I was going to let it end there. If I hadn't Tommy wouldn't even be here." Esther then lifted her cane and tucked it under her arm. "I don't need it," she took a few steps. "But it's nice to have."

"It was a good decision. I won't fault you for it." Joel paused. "Thank you for looking after my little brother."

"You're very welcome." Esther smiled.

They arrived at the control room. Esther put her cane in the locker with all her weapons and sat down at the planning table.

"This is where you'll work. Tommy teamed us up for a reason. You're part of the militia. You're going to be helping me guard the perimeter." Esther explained.

"You can't be serious. You're . . . " Joel trailed off.

"I soldier on. I won't allow this handicap to prevent me from doing my job. Any my job is mostly a desk job anyway. I give orders, they follow. Cushy." Esther continued.

"Ellie is working on the fence right? Back in town." Joel brought up.

"Yeah, that's where she safest. I made sure of it. Plus that's Maria's shindig. I'm sure Ellie will be alright." Esther replied.

"You still have this?" Joel motioned to the bow in the locker.

"Of course. It's what I hunt with. Not a lot of other situations I would use it in. Bandits now are few a far between." Esther smirked.

"Haha." Joel retorted.

"All things aside, welcome. It's nice to have you here." Esther smiled.

"It's nice to be here." Joel returned the gesture.

Esther led Joel into the turbine room to show him their progress on the second turbine. She stumbled as her knee gave out.

"Damn, we're going to have to go back to the control room: need to grab my cane." Esther swore.

"No, you don't need it anymore." Joel gripped onto her waist. "You have me to lean on."

"Thanks but I have a privet meeting with Tommy, no brothers allowed." Esther chuckled.

"Then I'll get you there and go fetch your cane while you two talk." Joel shrugged and helped her to Tommy's office.

"Thank you Joel." Esther smiled and opened the door. He headed back up stopping to get a better look at the inner workings of the turbines.

"So Ellie still angry at Joel?" Tommy asked when Esther entered his office.

"You would know better than I." Esther sat down. "Maria tells you everything."

"I just want to know home life details," Tommy countered.

"She refuses to be in the same room as him, let alone talk to him. Joel being Joel makes it worse. He can't find the courage to confront the issue that is staring him in the face. She doesn't really talk to me either. She just helps with the fence and locks herself in her room." Esther explained. "Pain in my ass that is for sure."

"Could have called that one. Speaking of pain, where's your cane?" Tommy raised an eyebrow.

"Thought I could get away with not using it today. Kind of using Joel as a prop." Esther lifted her lame knee and crossed it.

"What about you and him? Still just roommates? Or. . ." Tommy winked.

"Tommy, really?" Esther sighed Unenthused.

"What? I am not the only one who sees it. You two still love each other." Tommy leaned back in his chair.

"Love is a strong word. We were never really a thing. Yeah there were feelings but nothing came of it." Esther rubbed the back of her neck.

"You two aren't fighting for your lives anymore. Maybe you should find something else to fight for." Tommy motioned towards Joel's direction.

"I just. . . Time will tell Tommy. Sometimes things aren't meant to be." Esther uncrossed her legs.

"Alright." Tommy stood and started to dig something out of his locker.

"What-"

Tommy brought out an old worn acoustic guitar and tuned it.

"Impressive." Esther commented.

"Give this to Joel. He'll know what to do with it." Tommy handed it to her. "He's coming back, off you go yeah."

"Thanks man." Esther stood and hobbled to the door. She opened it to find Joel, with her cane, leaning next to the second turbine.

"Trade ya." Esther offered the guitar.

"Ahh, no brothers allowed." He chuckled and exchanged it. He examined the old wooden instrument. "You know when Ellie will be back?"

"Soon, I think, it's a short day for them. The sky is about to open up." Esther motioned to the dark clouds above their heads.

"We should be heading back then," he mumbled.

"Agreed." Esther nodded. "You know I heard this funny pun a few days ago: what is the downside of eating clocks?"

"Why?" Joel raised an eyebrow.

"It's time consuming."

 

Ellie came in quietly. Joel noticed her first. Esther was busy in the kitchen when she watched the older man disappear towards Ellie's room. Esther stopped what she was doing and followed. Esther paused at the closed door and listened in on the muffled conversation.

"Hey,"Joel started.

Leave it to Joel to make this as awkward as humanly possible, Esther thought. Man could fuck up a free meal.

"Hey," Ellie muttered. Esther made out a small clatter.

"Some kids are playing with some water guns in the square, maybe you should join them some time," Joel sounded slightly nervous.

"Water guns seem slightly. . . I just don't like them much. Plus I need to help finish that fence. I don't have the time." Ellie still sounded distant. She was still angry.

"Maybe you should take a break. I'm sure-"

"What's up Joel?" Ellie cut him off sounding annoyed.

"Nothing. Haven't spoke in a while, y'know? I thought it would be nice to catch up." Esther could almost sense his shrug.

Ellie sighed.

"I got stuck with patrol duty. It's calm though. Esther must have distilled the fear of God into those hunter's hearts, by the way Tommy is really pushing for us to get hitched. She also now tells those cheesy puns you love. She told me one--"

"Look Joel it's getting late and I have to be up early tomorrow. So if--"

"Just give me minute, please." Joel almost pleaded. "See what I found."

"What is that?" Ellie asked.

"Some call it a gui-tar," Joel replied laying his accent on thick. Esther smiled. He's getting the hang of it.

"I know what is, I want to know what do you want to do with it?" Ellie retorted.

"I started to write a song before all this." He played a few beautiful chords. He stopped then started a different tune. "I ever were to lose you, I'd surely lose myself, Everything I have found dear, I've not found by myself, Try and sometimes you'll succeed, To make this man of me, All my stolen missing parts, I've no need for anymore.

 I believe, And I believe cause I can see, Our future days, Days of you and me.

Back when I was feeling broken, I focused on a prayer. You came deep as any ocean. Did something out there hear? All the complexities and games, noone wins but somehow they're still played. All the missing crooked hearts. They may die but in us they live on.

I believe, and I believe cause I can see our future days. Days of you and me.

When hurricanes and cyclones raged, when winds turned dirt to dust, when floods they came or tides they raised, ever closer became us.

All the promises at sundown I've meant them like the rest, All the demons used to come round, I'm grateful now they've left. So persistent in my ways, hey Angel I am here to stay. No resistance, no alarms. Please, this is just too good to be gone.

I believe, And I believe cause I can see, our future days, Days of you an me, You and me.

Days, It's just you and me."

"Holy shit, Joel my god," Esther silently gasped and then waited for Ellie's response.

"That was beautiful." The girl nearly cried.

"Here," Joel's voice wavered.

"I don't know how to play," Ellie stated through sniffling.

"I told you I would teach you how to play." Joel offered.

"Thanks," Ellie strummed the guitar. It was obviously out of tune. Esther heard shuffling toward the door.

"What was that joke?" Ellie asked.

"What is the downside of eating clocks?" Joel reiterated. "It's time consuming."

"That is the most terrible joke I have ever heard." Ellie chuckled and went back to strumming.

Joel exited and paused next to Esther.

"You heard everything." Joel rubbed the back of his neck.

"Thank you." Esther simply smiled and led him to the kitchen.

"I just hope that be that start of things being fixed. The start. I'm not stupid. This can't be fixed with one simple conversation. It'll take time." Joel sat on his resident stool by the counter.

"You're right. One day you'll have to tell her the whole truth." Esther poured herself a glass of water, she drank half and sat it down.

"That'll be tough. Anyway you heard everything, any thoughts on Tommy's ulterior motives?" Joel tried to joke.

"Not really. I have beenthe butt of his marriage jokes for the last four months so it's nothing new to me. Though for you I bet he crammed four months worth in to four days." Esther laughed.

"Wow, four months of 'so what of my brother?' Every day. " Joel shook his head.

"It wasn't so bad." Esther shrugged. "By the way. Hot damn your pipes."

"Yeah, not as good a so used to be but you know." Joel took her glass and finished her water.

"Was that Pearl Jam?" Esther smirked.

"Hey, it seemed appropriate." Joel scratched his chin. "Thanks for making me feel old."

"It makes me feel old too." Esther sat next to him. "How old are you?"

"Well we actually spent my birthday together. It's in September. But I'm fifty, going on fifty-one this year. Would ya mind me askin'?"

"Thirty-seven. We also spent my birthday together. I'll turn thirty-eight in August."

"Ha, you complainin' about your age and you haven't even hit forty." 

"What are birthdays anymore?"

"Another year of surviving."

"That'll change."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhhhhh only one more chapter!!! And it's now a part of a series! And the next chapters is the long awaited smut! Man just a bunch of good news all at once.  
> Comments and kudos and all the best wishes for the next awesome few months


	21. A Soldier's Ballad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning- explicit smut. *blushes.

Summer

"It going to be a real easy thing. One of the grate pieces near the ravine is jammed. Got to go unjam it. Esther you're one of the only ones that know how." Tommy explained as he entered the control room. Joel had just checked in.

"No." Joel stated. "I'll do it but I will not put Esther in a situation she. . ."

"Finish that sentence. I dare you." Esther snapped. "What is it, gear jam?"

"Seems so. We going to hook you to the second grate and lower you down with a pry bar and a wrench, see if you can get it working again." Tommy planned out.

"I'm going with." Joel put his foot down.

"I got this," Esther protested.

"No harm in a second pair of eyes." Tommy shrugged.

Esther flashed him a agitated look.

"So let's get to it. It's a short hike down. Tommy did not seem to care in the least.

"Fine, Joel could you grab what we need. Tommy and I will meet you down at the top of the fall." Esther and Tommy made for the bottom of the plant toward the grates.

"He cares." Tommy pointed out and helped her down the metal stairs.

"Of course he does. We've been living together for a few months now. Also I have been helping him repair his and Ellie's relationship." Esther explained away Joel's reaction to her job.

"Whatever you say." Tommy rolled his eyes. They stopped and waited. Esther entered the control room and noticed the console once again had died.

"This shit." She mumbled.

"What's going on?" Tommy poked his head in.

"Console's dead again. This could cause gears to rust together. Gonna need the wrench. I'll be under the water for a while so don't freak I think I drowned. If I get pulled through the carbine and rope should save me, even though I'll need you or Joel to pull me up, lame leg and all." Esther sighed."Knew this wasn't going to be easy, but I hoped."

Joel came jogging down to where they were and sat everything down. Esther removed her light flannel and bunched it and threw it near the bags. Joel gaped,and quickly recovered, at the sight of her basically topless saved for the two sports bras holding her ladies in place. Tommy has seen it multiple times, on multiple jobs, not affected at all. She slipped off her pants and adjust the shorts underneath.

"That's nothing brother. Maria has got her beat by eight levels." Tommy clapped Joel on the shoulder. Joel flashed his brother an annoyed look and tossed the rope to Esther.

"Thanks." Esther wrapped around her waist and checked to she if the carabiner was firmly in place.

"Be careful." He handed her the wrench.

"I will." Esther brushed her fingers over his knuckles when she took it from him.

She dived. She swam toward the second grate and hooked her carbine around one of the bars. The current was strong that day and her left leg burned at the motion she was trying to put through. She came for air and informed them the carabiner was in place and she was about to start. Tommy nodded and Joel paced with his hands tucked in his armpits.

Back underwater she noticed that the block on the gears wasn't what they thought but a piece of metal jammed firmly in place. She tucked the wrench in her belt loop and grabbed onto the blockage and pulled. Just as she was about the run out of air it jiggled free. The force knocked her back and she was taken away by the current over the edge. Her fingers felt for the grate bars and she grabbed. She used her right leg to push off the cliff for air.

"Esther!" she heard Joel shout.

"There is a rope. Grab it and pull me up!" Esther called up to them.

"On it." Tommy replied.

Her right leg gave under the pressure and she fell right back under the heavy flowing water. Her hand gave out and she fell. The rope caught her and jerked her body. At least she wasn't right under the water anymore and she could breath. She glanced upward to see Joel leaning over the grate being held by Tommy grasping for the rope. Esther then felt absolute slack. The falling feeling enveloped her until she was jerked again. She saw Joel with the rope wrapped around his shoulder. She sighed in relief. Tommy then took the rope from Joel and jumped into the reservoir behind him to be anchor. Joel started the pulling motion again. Esther felt her body being hoisted up until she was at arms length and Joel grabbed her and pulled her up the rest of the way.

"What happened Tommy?" She shot up as he pulled himself out of the water. He handed her a broken price of green metal.

"The carbine broke. Joel caught you as you were about to plummet." Tommy shook off. "It was a good idea bringing him along. What happened to create the force to do that?"

"No rusted gears. A piece of panel from the plant itself got lodged in the grate. Probably from the last storm. Pulled it out but wasn't strong enough to keep with the current got sucked over." Esther explained and twisted her torso. "Nothing hurt or bruised. I'm just a little shaken. I'm going to go see if I can't get that console up and running. One of you can head back, but I'll need somebody to stay and manually activated that grate if I can't get it started."

"I'll stay," Joel volunteered. "You're sopping wet Tommy, head on up to the plant and get some dry clothes."

Tommy looked at the both of them and shook his head. He picked up the bags and started up the path, while Esther headed to her destination.

Esther leaned over the console in the bridge control room. She had almost died. If Joel hadn't been there, her body would have been broken in that ravine a second time. "

That was a close one." Esther straightened.

"A goddamned close one." Joel growled and with three long strides, appeared beside her.

"It's over and I'm fine, if not a little drenched." Esther turned from him, not showing that was actually affected by what just happened. Mortality was such a fragile thing and once again she had been fighting it. Joel responded with his embrace. She felt his wet shirt on her back. It surprised her. Joel may have been living with her, but mostly as a room mate. They worked together, but nothing had hinted at romance or emotional ties.

"Joel." Esther twisted in his arms. "Wha--"

Her words were cut off by his lips. It was rough and desperate. She felt she was about to get swallowed whole by his presence. He kiss was fire that ignited her. Joel's tongue danced with hers in a wonderful sensual tango. Esther felt him press her against the hard plains of his body.

This all consuming need to feel him was something she was quite familiar with. She had felt it when they shared their first kiss in Pittsburg.

Her left leg faltered causing him to slam her into console. She winced and groaned against his mouth. He noticed and lifted her onto it settling between her legs. The only thing she had to lean on was him and and he used that to cup her bottom and bring her closer until she wrapped her legs around him. She slipped her hands between them and started fumbling with the buttons on his shirt as he placed sloppy kisses on her neck and collarbone. She struggled until finally she popped the last button off. She felt him chuckle against her neck. He stepped back and slipped his shirt off.

He was a sight to behold. His body didn't look his age. It was lean and muscled from the life he had led; riddled with scars from the life he had led. She saw through a light black dusting of hair where Ellie said he landed on the iron bar. The scar was unsightly and jagged. It marred his skin and reminded her he could have not come back.

"Esther?" Joel followed her eyes and placed his hand on his side. "It hurt like a son of a bitch-"

"It fits you. Esther grabbed the hand hiding it and brought it to her left leg. "We all have them. It's proof we survived."

"I love you." Joel abruptly said. Esther felt speechless. He said he loved her. He said it, it wasn't a fabrication of her mind. Not the dream she had over and over again. Reality.

"Esther?" Joel moved closer. Worry lined his face.

"I love you." Esther managed to mutter. "I love you." She started to cry almost sobbing. It was a mantra, a truth left unspoken the entire time she knew him. Truth be told, she had loved him since the first time she saw him: since she saw him swearing to the sky at a dead end. Joel pressed his forehead against hers. She knew he was giving her time to think. So many thoughts rushed through her head. Why? Was the one that pushed to the forefront of her mind.

"Why?" Esther breathed.

"You saw what I refused to. You saw me as a human being, not just a survivor." Joel replied.

Damn this man for driving her insane. She lifted her head. She stared at the man asking for her permission. The man asking her for a chance.

"It's only been thirteen months, eight of those you were away." Esther smirked, she used his original excuse. When he paused she took the opportunity to grab him and kiss him so hard their teeth clicked together. That didn't stop them.

Joel took initiative and removed her bras. He kept eye contact with her. Something nobody had ever done, it made everything they were about to do more personal. He lifted her, being careful of her lame leg and laid her down on the concrete floor. She bunched their shirts together to make a pillow. Joel hovered over her on his elbows. He just stared. His hazel eyes taking her in. She always loved the color. His eyes made him seem more human than he wanted to be.

"Is there something wrong?" Esther tried to sound sultry.

"No," he lifted her back off the ground and kissed her with the same passion he started off with. This time he wasn't going to push her away. This time it was him asking for the moment.

Esther took time to explore his body. She traced the muscles on his chest fingers brushing the chest hair she always saw peeking out of his shirt. Her hands moved to his back, lightly touching his spine causing him to shiver. His hand moved to her breast. His rough palm grazed her nipple causing her to moan. Her entire body felt like it was on fire.

It had been ages since she allowed anybody to touch her this way. She enjoyed every small touch, every small kiss. His lips moved down her chest, to her taunt stomach, and finally to her hips. He knew what caused the most reaction. The way his hands felt, the way his tongue felt; it was heaven. His kisses started to migrate lower until he stopped at the hem of her pants. She unbuttoned them to give the permission he so asked for. He worked them off and threw them by the wayside. He started kissing her inner thighs. He applied pressure to her right hip with his fingers knowing everything in that area was sensitive. She moaned. She felt heat pooling in her stomach. The tall-tell pull downwards.

Joel's left hand teased her through her underwear. She felt the fabric brush against her clit and she bucked slightly. She glanced downward to see a mischievous grin on Joel's face.

"What are you looking at?" She panted.

"Nothing," his voice rumbled. It was low and wanting. He lifted her legs and pulled her underwear down. Esther sucked in a breath as she felt skin to skin contact as his thumb ghosted her clit.

"Tell me if I press too hard." He started massaging her nub. When he replaced his fingers with his tongue her mind blanked. It was all sensation. He slipped a finger inside her and she gasped. It was sensory overload. The spring in her abdomen tightened, her muscles started to strain. Her whole body felt tight and she almost begged for it. A second finger caused her hips to buck involuntary. Her body was so impossibly tight. She tugged at his hair and he moaned, the vibrations sent over the edge. Her back arched as she softly cried out his name. He made her ride out the pleasure until her heart calmed. Her back fell onto floor and her body relaxed. Joel inched his way up and found her lips. She tasted herself on him and it made her smolder even more. She used her right leg to knock him off balance and she climb on top of him and straddled his waist.

Esther once again took in the sight of him. He was beautiful. His cut face, his sculpted muscles, his little flaws that came with being a survivor. His body hair tickled her thighs. She giggled; she never had been with a man with body hair. She liked it. She leaned in her breasts brushing against his chest. His eyes pleaded his desire. She kissed down his jawline, his facial hair giving way to his throat. he stretched making his neck more accessible. He was enjoying her teasing. She slid down, kissing along the way. She unbuttoned his pants and brought them down. He lifted his feet so she could take of his boots.

Once his pants where done away with, her eyes fell to the bulge that was his erection. She gasped audibly. How was he able to hide that? She thought to herself. She freed it from the confines of his briefs and lightly stroked it. Much like he did for her. She heard his breath hitch. She rested her elbows at his side and took him in her mouth. He groaned loudly. This surprised her. He was normally a silent man. She sucked and teased drawing his every reaction, until he gripped on her shoulder.

"It's not going to end like this." He growled and lifted her up to his face. He kissed her as if he were worshiping her lips. He then flipped her onto her back and gently placed her head on the makeshift pillow. Esther spread her knees apart inviting him.

"You sure?" Joel asked.

"Yes Joel, I'm sure." She lead him to her entrance, still ready from her last orgasm. He pushed into her slowly allowing her adjust. She nodded and he started rocking into her. At first it was gentle and tender, Esther loved the feeling of him. Her impatience got the better of her. She leaned in and whispered.

"Harder." Joel grabbed her leg and placed it on his back and set a brutal pace that she matched stroke for stroke. Soon the room was filled with their pleas and groans. Esther gripped onto him as her second orgasm hit her. Joel still kept going chasing his own. His breaths became ragged and his movements lost pace until a low growl vibrated his body and he pulled away spilling onto her stomach. He collapsed beside her. She lifted her head and used his shirt to clean herself up. She threw it in the corner. Exhausted she cuddled up against his side setting her head on his chest. She listened to his heartbeat, it calmed her. They laid there for what seemed like hours until he sat up.

"We should get back. They'll be worried about us." Joel muttered. He stood and slipped his clothes back on save for his shirt.

"Yeah." Esther started to put her clothes back on. She paused at her boots. Was this a one time deal? Was he going to shut down again?

"This thing that happened here? We should keep-" Joel started.

"Between us." Esther finished.

"I was going to say going. We should keep it going." Joel shook his head.

"But if you want-"

"No. I would like to keep going. . . It going." Esther stammered pulling on her boots.

"Good." Joel grabbed his shirt and bunched it. He opened the door and glanced back at her.

"What?" Esther raised her eyebrow.

"How are we going to tell Ellie?" Joel waved her over.

"She's a smart girl, I think she already knows."

Esther and Joel snuck into the plant and found him another shirt and she found her locker and changed.

"Get it fixed?" Tommy stood in the doorway. The way he said it they knew they were caught.

"Joel had to manually turn it. I need the correct tools to fix the console itself," Esther shrugged.

"Anyway, we got the fence up and running so Ellie and Maria are heading up." Tommy informed them.

"That's great!" Esther exclaimed. "We can all go back to town together."

"You guys got five minutes to get yourselves together." Tommy tried not to laugh.

"What are you seeing that we are not?" Joel asked sounding suspicious.

"Nothing, just confirming something I already know," Tommy chuckled.

"You clever shit." Esther muttered.

Esther and Joel gathered their things and made for the courtyard. Esther loaded her things on Farcut and Joel headed to his horse which he renamed Callus.

"Why Callus?" Esther asked.

"Ellie named the horse we had in Colorado Callus. We lost him. So I named this one after 'em. For Ellie." Joel helped her onto Farcut.

 "That's actually pretty sweet." Esther adjusted herself in the saddle.

"You know me," Joel mounted Callus. "I ooze sweetness."

"Whatever," Esther rolled her eyes and coaxed Farcut out of gate and headed to meet the fence group.

Joel clopped up next to her. They didn't say anything but they finally were able to openly enjoy each other's company. No more hidden feelings, both her and Joel got everything out in the open.

Tommy wolf whistled behind them and Esther flipped him off.

"I could say something, but I'll keep it to myself," Tommy chuckled.

"Don't ruin a good moment." Joel glanced back.

"Of course not, I'll drop it. Anyway we should be close." Tommy wore a smug smirk. Esther knew the marriage jokes would only get worse.

"Hey guys!" Ellie waved as they rounded the corner. Maria also offered a big smile.

"Hey baby girl," Esther replied and urged Farcut on.

"Heard ya got into trouble at the falls." Maria motioned to Esther.

"Nothing Joel couldn't handle." Esther shrugged.

"Yeah he handled it real well." Tommy continued on his little jokes.

"I will plant you in the ground. Tommy stop." Esther threatened.

"I'm sorry," Tommy laughed. "Still we need to find better equipment. It was a little failure that could have had serious consequences."

"Hmm, we'll see what we have back in town." Maria started to lead the group in the direction of home.

Esther noticed Joel had dropped back to speak with Ellie. It was nice to see things patched. Joel still didn't tell her everything, but he did tell her most of what happened. He even kept the recording of the doctor he found. Ellie was pissed off at first, but with the "I couldn't lose another daughter" she backed off. He didn't tell her about Marlene, hell Esther didn't even want to touch on it. She accept he did what he had to and left it at that. Now Ellie seemed grounded in the community, she was focusing on growing as a person and not growing up. To Esther's surprise that involved her too. Esther knew she was never the mother type but now she knew that whether she liked it or not Ellie was her daughter.

"Really?" Ellie exclaimed from the back.

"Finally," Joel smiled. It was an anomaly Esther would probably never get used to.

Joel noticed her attention and his ears flushed. This was the start of Esther's happy ending, even though God knows she didn't deserve it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for being with me on this wonderful story. The Last of Us is a life changing game. It was beautifully executed in almost every way and I am proud to be so inspired by this wonderfully heartbreaking experience.  
> Stay tuned for Esther's fight to go back home, spurred on by a long lost friend she thought was long dead. Of course Joel and Ellie will join her on the journey to find out who she really is.  
> Please comment your end thoughts and hopes for the second part.  
> I hoped you enjoyed the first part and hope you will join me in A Survivor's Lament.


	22. A Revision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An update really

So I plan to revise and rewrite a Soldier's Ballad. What we have here is a fraction of what I originally wanted to put in it. The revision would almost double the word count and add more details, dialogue, and characterization to each of the main characters, and each of the side characters. Certain scenes will be completely changed and made better and more hard hitting. My question to you is; do you want me to edit what I have? Rewriting and changing the chapters, do you want me to add the revisions as new chapters? Or start a new Fanfic altogether? Please tell me because it is already in the works and I need to know how you guys want me to present it. As always I love to hear from you, and value your input. See ya in a few. Because it's about time I come back from the dead


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